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Stories by me 2/26/2004--Job searching has got to be one of the worst things to do in the world. Especially in the computer fields. Everyone wants 5-10 years experience (which i have 5 years actually--just that most of it is from school and many employers don't count that. i don't know why. I did the work.) i did tech support for a while. Not again. There are whole websites devoted to customer service/tech support stories so i won't go into a lot of detail. I just think most people don't care. Perhaps it's the way the companies /call centers are run. Maybe it doesn't have to do with anything but the customer. I'm not sure and I'm not even going to speculate or discuss it further. All I know is that I'd asked people to look on the left side of the screen and they'd start screaming at me to be paid to do that with the logic that it's their computer more times than i care to count. Or worse, be told to put a man on the phone (hah! I don't think so. I NEVER let anyone get away with that type of thing and hopefully i never will). I just want to program. I want to make things--hopefully so easy that no one ever has to call for help--but i'm not sure that it's possible. Easy is too subjective of a term. But i would like the chance to try.
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Miscellaneous (not ready yet)2/28/2004--Still haven't found a job. Sometimes i think about going into teaching, but i worry about not being able to find a job doing that either. Or if i do find a job, will i be any good at it? Will i be able to deal with the kids yelling and screaming at me? How am i going to afford to get my teaching certificate? I did check into getting my certificate though and at least i know that i don't have to spend another 4 years in school (not that that would be bad or anything, just i need a job soon) and can work as a teacher while in school. I've already got school loans and i'm not sure if i can get any others. I'd like to work as a sub to find out, but i don't have a car. My aunt offered to let me use hers, but everytime i call home to find out my family's only solution is for me to move home. I don't want to move home. I get yelled at and made fun of at home and i have to listen to my brother's ranting/raving about rascist, misogynist bull (the latter of which is often directed at me as well as all of the other women of the planet) and i'm not allowed to say anything in my own defense since he has a heart/seizure condition. So what else is new? When i try to stand up for myself the way everyone tells me i have to, and i get in trouble from those same people for thinking i'm better than they are. For example, i was made fun of horrendously in high school. The summer before my junior year, i decided that i wasn't going to care what the other kids told me anymore. they could call me fat, ugly, stupid, not "cool" (which meant that i didn't party, drink, do drugs, etc--that's what they told me at least) and poor to thier hearts content, but i wasn't going to let them bother me because 1) i weighed about 130 lbs, 2) the stupid comment was usually right before they asked me for my answers to school work, 3) parties/activities with people i didn't like never appealed to me (and i don't like parties), and 4) i knew i was poor and it didn't honestly bother me. I told my family of my plans, but i was yelled at for thinking i was better than everyone and was told how wrong that was. Now, they and everyone else wonders why i don't have any self-esteem to speak of. Naturally, no one remembers yelling or making fun of me. I always think it's funny how people can do such traumatic things to people and it doesn't even mean anything to them.

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