A Web Page by Joe Bacchus (the Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse), Chris Carlson (the only known dead spot in the Force), and Pancho, their invisible, flatulent friend.

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WARNING: Some of you people out there may consider the following site to be disturbing. If you think you might possibly be one of those folks, then click here.† Of course, it's not gonna do anything (except maybe ease your conscience).

"We're building a better tomorrow with the hope

that today won't count."

Welcome to Seven Dancing Monkeys, the web page that's sure to scare the hell out of anyone who still thinks there is an order to the universe.

This is not an immoral site, merely a deranged one.† Some things that you read or see may make no sense to you, and that's good. If they didn't confuse you, then you would be pretty screwed up yourself.† In fact, the sanest response to this site would be to just fall to your knees and cry.† Enjoy!

We here at Seven Dancing Monkeys wish to make your journey into the depths of our dark collective soul a pleasant experience.† So, for your convenience, the main points of the site are listed below.† Click on whatever strikes your fancy.

The Gist of our Jive

Bode Concept- The basic, underlying principle of the universe.

Fly Honeys- The 100 most beautiful women you will never meet (due to stalking laws).

Joe and Chris's Poetry Pavilion- Our own personal work.

Star Wars- The Force and such. Yoda, Yoda, Yoda.

The X-Files- A great show. Watch it or your social security number will be "misplaced."

U2- The greatest band ever. Even counting the Beatles. And Elvis. Though he wasn't a band.

Beowulf- The entire tale. It's pretty boring to read, but the concept is cool

The Dictionary of Whoop- See for yourself.

Cheese Fries- The story behind the Food of the Gods.

Kathy Ireland- Whoa momma!

Quotes- A buncha people said 'em. We said a couple; maybe you did too.

Pancho's Corner- We're not sure what's in here. Pancho pretty much keeps to himself.

Private War- Our continuing epic struggle for the shores of Guam.

Real Stories From the Lives of Chris and Joe- Funny, weird, and outlandish stories picked fresh daily from our lives. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Biographies- Info on your loveable Horsemen.

The Guestbook- Sign in or suffer eternal damnation.

Guestbook II: The Sequel- Read your entries; laugh at others.

Links- The sausage and internet variety.

Since you haven't left yet, we here at Seven Dancing Monkeys figure you'll stick around for at least a bit longer. So, we decided that you deserve to understand exactly what our name means. You know, it's significance and such. It's not as complicated as you'd think. In fact, it's right simple like:

Have you ever watched a television show where the script called for the use of a number? We bet you have. And isn't that number usually seven? We bet it is. That's because, simply put, Heron's Formula for the area of a triangle is ÷ s (s - a)(s - b)(s - c), where a, b, and c are the lengths of the sides of the triangle and s = .5 (a + b + c). Also, seven is funny. Damn funny. Think about it for a second. If you say aloud, for instance, ten sheep, that's not funny. Five sheep? Still not funny. Six? Closer. Seven sheep? Aha! Hilarious! And what's even better then seven sheep? I'll tell you.


(and it's even funnier if they're dancing.† Think about it!)

There you have it. We told you it was simple. If you still don't understand, that's okay. Your ignorance means you're still somewhat sane. Which means you haven't fully explored our page. Go back and read more; we must turn your brain to an amorphous pulp!

However, if you believe for some reason that reading this site has brought you to a higher plane of existence, you are beyond our help.† Sorry.

†Special thanks to Aaron Swiren, without whom, due to our fantastic incompetence with computers, this page would not have been possible.

E-mail us, especially if you're a honey! Pictures are welcome!

E-mail Chris and tell him what an incredibly dead spot in the Force he is.

E-mail Joe.


This webpage made from 100% recycled paper.

morons have wasted their time on this page since 10/22/97.

03/01/99 15:31:07 PM Eastern Standard Time

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