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As you know I am going deaf. I put this page up here mostly to vent about the situation, and some to
hopefully educate hearing people, and enlighten them to us, the people they tend to ignore, the deaf
or hard of hearing. Also to help me deal with the rapid rate that my hearing is disappearing. I might
get very angry here, I might get very sad, then again I may just throw you for a loop and rejoice in
it. At any rate this is my page for healing. Maybe I should keep this a privet part of myself but I have
done that, and I am not dealing and coping with this as I had thought I was. So a bit more public here,
along with the safety of the screen might help me some. I am not exactly sure as to how my hearing loss came about. The doctors can not even give me a real answer on this one. They said it was hereditary, but that can't be. I am the ONLY person in my entire family that has this problem! Seems to me if someone else in my family had hearing loss I would of found out about it by now right? I have investigated my family's medical history extensively, and found a lot of things but no hearing loss Infection? Doctors say no. Then what? Severe trauma? Maybe they say. Only thing I can think of is all the times my ex-husband smacked my head off the wall. Well yes what a bastered...but at least now I have an answer as to how it was possible that my hearing started fading. The doctors tell me this is not painful. <snorts> Well they aren't the ones experiencing this now are they? For one it is painful, very much so. Not only in an emotional sense but in a physical one also. Every time a percentage of my hearing goes I feel it deep inside my ears, there is pain, a dull ache, and occasionally a sharp stabbing, shooting pain. The hearing goes down some more. I feel it and I see it every time it happens, I notice that I can't hear as good as I could yesterday. Doctors say that is imposable, well doctors also tell us when we are in child labor that we don't know when the baby is coming, and act as though we are completely brainless in matters of child birth no matter how many we have given birth to already. Guess Doctors don't know every thing. Then there is the other side of the coin, the emotional pain. Now that one is by far much harder to deal with. So many times I will want to break down and cry all because I couldn't hear my daughter ask me if she can go to a friends house. Or the times my friends are talking and I can't understand one word of their conversation. Or how about last spring when I was in college, and they keep giving me the run around about why they couldn't get the equipment to help me understand my classes? Oh sure it's the law they HAVE to do that. <snort> Yeah right! Try getting the law to help you before your final exams are due, or even in less time than a year. Screw that, I just switched colleges to an online college, it was faster and less stressful for me. A lot of things are to be one way and they never are. That is why I have a lot of the problems I have in my life, such as going to the movies. Laws state they must have captioning, to not have it is discrimination. Well if they have it I don't know about it, and I am not going to humiliate myself by asking them if they do! That gets me too. Every time something extra is needed out of a hearing person to make communication easier on me or others like me we get that attitude as though we are (1) a big royal pain in their ass, and (2) we are too dumb to live. Some hearing people aren't like that but the majority are. It is the majority we have to deal with on a daily basis and to be quite honest ya'll really piss me off. I am made to feel as though it is my fault that I have no idea what you said, it is my fault and I am dumb because of it. That is what is projected out to me, and I see that it is also what is projected out to others that are hearing impaired. So of course we don't ask for things such as the captioning in a movie theater! We are made to feel insignificant and foolish when we ask for those "favors." I think that phrase "deaf and dumb" is at the root of the matter with the stigma we receive in the public. It seems to be the popular opinion that if you can't hear your dumb too. Well guess what? We think and feel too. Most the time I think we think on things harder and longer than hearing people! We are more observant also, we must be. For a lot of our communication depends upon how observant we are. There are those few of the hearing public that do not react to us as I mentioned above, but you are very few. If asked to repeat something more than 2 times people tend to get frustrated. Well how frustrated do you think I get when I don't know what you said even AFTER you have said it 4 times! "Oh for get it" Do you have any idea how mad I get when someone says that? No if it was important enough for you to say it one time, say it again damn it! I don't really like this either, but occasionally it is necessary for me to understand what has been said...WRITE IT DOWN! Is that so hard? Is it so much to ask for? Seems it is with most people. I must commend my close friends and family for going so far out of their way to be able to communicate with me. I know it is frustrating, but my true friends {and they are few} and my family really make an effort to make sure I am included in conversations. Conversations that include me are difficult as best, but they ARE possible. I take this moment to thank you, and tell you I love you all very much. I shall be adding to this page as I see fit but for now that is all. May the Gods bless and protect you all. |
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