Welcome to Priesty´s Chelsea FC  Refuge - In memory of Matthew Harding

4th December 2007
Petit My Arse

A scrappy win against West Ham on Saturday keeps Chelsea in the hunt for the title. West Ham came well prepared and were able to unsettle Chelsea to the point where a draw looked likely, but in the end a moment of brilliance decided the game. Some say Joe Cole was offside but if he was there was probably no more than in inch or two in it. A shame we didn't get to see laugh-a-minute professional comedian Craigy "Boy" Bellamy do his act, but I suppose you can't have everything.

For those who were around when former soft-porn film actor Emannuele Petit played for Chelsea, the irony of his accusations against John Terry and Ashley Cole last week will not have been lost. Petit questioned their commitment by asking why they hadn't played for England in midweek but had turned out for their club at the weekend. He asked us to "imagine me not playing a big game for my country and then three days later I play for my club ?". I don't know about that, Emannuele, but I'm sure I did not imagine watching you on countless occasions turning out for your club at the weekend, but not actually taking any active part in the match. Does this qualify, you froggy twerp ?

27th November 2007
Germany My Arse

I have received a drunken, slanderous letter from my erstwhile colleague Klaus, the so-called "Voice Of Reason". Voice of bollocks, more like. Most of the time he's so pissed he doesn't know which country he's in, let alone capable of putting rational thought down on paper. I suppose that makes him eminently qualified to contribute to this site, then..

23rd November 2007
England My Arse

I'm wondering what all the fuss over England's early exit from Euro 2008 is all about. After all, it's not as if they'd have gone much further even if they had somehow managed to qualify. What gets me is that the team manager gets all the blame, while the fat bastards in suits at the FA who are really responsible for the sad state of our national team seem to come out of it unscathed every time.

Whatever you think about McLaren, he did his best with players who look world class when playing for their clubs but seem to completely lose it when turning out for England, which is a mystery that may never be solved. McLaren may have made a few tactical mistakes but ultimately it's the players who are out on the pitch, not the manager.

It's time for big changes in the way English football is run. At the moment it's TV companies and corporate sponsors who are really running things, while the the FA shuffles around on its knees with its hand out like some kind of grotesque latterday Oliver Twist. OK, so there's money coming in to the game, but the trouble with this scenario is that most of it is going straight out again, into the offshore bank accounts of the foreign stars and their slimeball agents. This is likely to continue ad infinitum until the FA shows that it has some cojones and stops chasing the megabucks.

There is a clear conflict of interests; the corporates aren't interested in seeing young English players on the pitch - all they want is foreign superstars who will bring in the viewers and the advertising revenues that come with it. The result ? We are left in a situation where England have ended up as a laughing stock and can't even qualify for the finals of a European competition. One of the reasons for this is obvious: potentially world class English players like Theo Walcott are sitting on the bench on Saturdays, watching a team that consists entirely of foreigners. The same sad story is repeated at almost every other Premiership club, so we end up as England did on Wednesday night, where injuries forced McLaren to play forwards who can't even get a regular game at their own club.

Now's the time the FA knobheads should be admitting their mistakes and taking back control of the game. They should immediately impose quotas on foreign players and tell Sky and the corporations to go and fuck themselves. Instead they do what they always do and just sack the manager in order to divert attention from the fact that the sad state of English football is actually all their fault. They can now advertise for another scapegoat who will ensure that they can continue to live like lords, flying around the world first class, staying in five star hotels and eating baby panda and snow leopard.

One thing is for sure: we can absolutely guarantee that England will continue to be the laughing stock of world football until the clueless twats who are currently in charge are booted into touch. Unfortunately I have the feeling we should get ready for a long wait..

7th November 2007
Avram My Arse

The worst I have seen Chelsea play since the early eighties, when Chelsea were in the Second Division and we were standing on crumbling, weed-infested terraces "appreciating" the talents of Ian Britton and Colin Lee. I am referring to last night's Champions League game against Schalke - a shameful, hateful mess of a match.

Chelsea's defence was almost non-existent - how Schalke did not score eight by half time is a testament to the goalkeeping of Petr Cech. What Avram Grant was thinking when he allowed the AWFUL Belletti to stay on the pitch until well after half time is an even deeper mystery - Belletti was literally standing aside and waving at the Schalke forwards as they waltzed past him, and on the pathetically few occasions when he did get the ball, he passed it straight back to them ! I can truly say that I've not seen a worse display from any player since Chris Sutton missed three open goals on his Chelsea debut.

It says a lot that Avram Grant reckons that Chelsea "did not defend too badly" and that Schalke had "only created chances from counter-attacks and set pieces". This means, apparently, that Avram believes that restricting a team of Schalke's calibre to two out of only three ways of creating chances is a solid foundation for Chelsea to progress in the Champions League. I'll bet "ole JR" Abramovich will be delighted to hear this, and in due course he will doubtless be keen to reward Grant accordingly. The sooner the fucking better, I say.

Actually the whole Chelsea team were poor, continually losing the ball and generally acting the goat when they should have been sealing their place in the knockout stages with a simple win over an extremely average team. And I say that meaning no disrespect to Schalke, who tried their guts out. The only redeeming feature was a superb display from Carlo Cudicini, who came on in the second half when Peter Cech took an injury. Cudicini kept Chelsea in it with a masterly display of confident goalkeeping that proves he is still one of the best keepers in the world. Fuck off, Liverpool !

1st November 2007
Foxes My Arse

Avram Grant last night graphically demonstrated that he knows fuck nothing about football, presiding over Chelsea side that almost lost at home to LEICESTER, by far the worst team in the football league, with almost the worst fans. Grant's blushes were only saved at the last possible moment when Grandad Shevchenko finally got off his arse and fired in the equaliser, followed minutes later by Frankie Boy's last-gasp winner. A halloween horror, if ever I saw one.

Some may say that winning six games in a row is a good record, and Grant may even believe that, but going 3-2 down to Leicester at ANY POINT during a home game is beyond the pale. Come on, "Ole JR" Abramovich, what's your game ? I know you're a regular vistor to this site, so listen up: stop fucking about, sack Grant now and get someone who knows how to manage a football team. Don Claudio should be first on your list. Fuck off, Leicester !

23rd October 2007
Jose Caught Walking On Water

Good day, readers, long time no see. The reason for this is simply that, unlike most of the lizards of the "popular" press, I enjoy the comparative luxury of not having to rely on making up stories for a living, hence when there's not much going on I tend to keep quiet. This has the benefit of enabling me to preach from the moral high ground; unfair, I know, but there it is.

Things are getting more desperate by the day for the piss artists of the press, now that greatest-ever manager Jose has decamped back to Portugal, which may explain the constant, absurd rumours that he'll be back any day now to manage England, Rottenham, Hatstand Villa, Arsenal or even Hamilton Academicals, according to one hallucinogen-fuelled report I read on an obscure web site the other day.

Anyone with even a semblance of intelligence will see these rumours for what they are; nothing more than wishful thinking on the part of a small group of supremely talentless people who rely on an equally small but hugely gifted group of people to make a living. The only thing they appear to be good at is dreaming up a constant barrage of the kind of bullshit that would put even our top politicians in the shade. Shame.

11th October 2007
Who Ate All The Pie In The Sky ?

I have been laughing my tits off this morning at the increasingly desperate, made-up nonsense about Chelsea, both in the gutter press and on certain football websites. Just as I predicted a few days ago, the piss artists of the press are completely stuffed now that greatest-ever manager Jose has departed these shores. To compound this unthinkable scenario he has been replaced by the most publicity-shy, charisma-free man on the planet: Avram "Ordinary One" Grant.

Good headlines about The Blues are therefore now relatively hard to come by, hence the increasingly outlandish conjecture on the back pages of the redtops and on the less reputable web sites. Best yet is the story on tribalfootball.com today that Avram Grant has asked "ole JR" Abramovich to fund the purchase of Brazilian starlet Kaka from AC Milan, at an asking price of £100 million. Needless to say this is about as likely as the prospect of a general election next month, but they've printed it so it must be true, mustn't it ? *sigh*

10th October 2007
Clarke Rules The Roost

It's looking increasingly likely that Steve Clarke is going to survive the clearout following greatest-ever manager Jose's departure from Stamford Bridge. Strong rumours are circulating, albeit only in the gutter press so far, that Clarkey has signed a new, £500,000 a year contract to stay on as co-coach with new arrival Henk ten Cate. It's also rumoured that Avram Grant insisted that he wanted Clarke to stay so that the club could continue to tap into his apparently encyclopaedic knowledge of English football.

If the rumours are true this will prove popular with the players, some of whom have publicly stated their support for Clarkey. It will also be very popular with me. It looks like KenyonBuck has made a sensible decision, albeit for the first time in months. Fuck off, Liverpool !

9th October 2007
Chelsea Going Dutch ?

Hello, readers, long time no see. I've been unspeakably bored since Jose's premature departure and for the most part I just haven't had the energy to update the site. A sad state of affairs. Today, though, my interest is piqued: who's this Ten Cate bloke, then ? Is he going to take over from Steve Clarke ? Over my dead body. Don't even think about it, KenyonBuck !

I thought you might be interested in a view from the Antipodes of the recent shenanigans at Stamford Bridge. This is from Campo, a loyal reader who has frequented the site for years and often sends me his thoughts:

G'day from the Antipodes. Somehow it was fitting that I was in the paradise called Q (as the locals call Queensland) when Jose and CFC parted company "by mutual agreement." Queensland's motto is "Sunny one day, Perfect the next" - almost exactly what we had with Jose's firm hand on the tiller. Now we have The Ordinary One. Avram who ? Avram why ?
But the lot we draw when we fall under the thrall of the blues is to be thankful how lucky we are. Others chanted that they wanted the new Chelsea back so they could get their precious three points, and they were granted their wish. Me ? Even having tasted the new Chelsea I am happy to have the old Chelsea back. Imagine (I know it is horrible) waking up in the morning as a Man U supporter and having to carry that round all day !
The glorious unpredictability is something to cherish. Hell, sell Robben and then welcome Marco as coach. Just do not tell us what is going to happen next; I do not want to know. I want to experience it - it's called being alive. And being alive is exactly what Kenyon is not. I read somewhere that Roman could not appreciate life because he did not understand love. No love, no life in my book.
Thanks, Jose, for showing us a different life. Thanks for showing the hacks that a third(?) language can be more eloquent than the language they grew up with. Thanks for making our dreams come true. Thanks for exposing hypocrisy. But most of all thanks for being a blue.

24th September 2007
Chelsea Lose To Man U - Let's Kill Everyone

Congratulations to Man U on a convincing 2-0 victory over Chelsea at Old Trafford. I don’t want to appear churlish, but there are a couple of minor issues for discussion:

  • Mikel sent off, mystifying everyone except the ref
  • Man U's first goal scored during the half time break
  • Rooney stays on the pitch, mystifying everyone except the ref
  • A Man U “Special”: last minute “penalty” featuring a dive straight out of the Snickers advert

Grogba’s antics are kindergarten stuff next to Haha’s performance. Rooney needs a spell in Borstal and Biscuit Arse should wash his mouth out with soap. Apart from that, no complaints. Fuck off Man U !

21st September 2007
Small Club Gets Big Ideas

Fantastical rumours are surfacing this morning, to the effect that upstart rascals Rottenham are planning an audacious bid to attract Jose to their mucky North London swamp. *Pause for scornful laughter* Let's discuss this in a rational, dispassionate way, shall we ? OK, here goes:

For one thing, it's crystal clear to all except the deranged that Rottenham are far too small a club to accommodate Jose's ambition, not to mention his considerable ego; we are after all talking about a man who has won a European Cup, League titles and other major trophies in two countries. Jose is anything but an idiot, and only an idiot (Poyet, Cundy, Juke Box) would ever go to Rottenham with the expectation of success. As anyone who knows anything about football will tell you, Tottenham have infinitely more chance of being relegated than they have of winning any sort of trophy.

Even if Rottenham could persuade Jose otherwise, the absolute clincher is that he knows full well that his Legend status at Chelsea would vanish overnight if he were foolish enough to accept the offer of a gig at Three Point Lane. I hazard an educated guess that in the unlikely event that Jose were to be seen in the vicinity of Rottenham during the coming weeks, he would be going at full tilt, with his willy hanging out. I rest my case....

20th September 2007
Chelsea BigWigs Lose The Plot - Official

It's official: the Three Stooges - Kenyon, Buck and Abramovich - have finally lost the plot, and I'm not referring to the loss of Jose Mourinho, which has been on the cards for at least a year now. No, it's a lot worse than that, readers. The shocking and awful rumour is that DIDIER DESCHAMPS, the man Eric Cantona dubbed "a water carrier", is favourite to replace him !

I don't think there's anyone left at Chelsea who was there when the awful Deschamps arrived as a player and was booted out after one season because he was worse than Chris Sutton, but if there is I implore them in the name of God to go and knock on ole JR Abramovich's door and tell him what a cunt Deschamps is, before it's too late.

On a personal note I would like to wish Jose well and thank him from the bottom of my heart for three years of almost constant delight. His contribution to Chelsea, both on and off the pitch, has been huge. He's the most passionate and certainly the ablest and most successful manager we've ever had, and it's been a real privilege to watch Chelsea win five major trophies in three seasons, not to mention never having lost a league game at home during that time - a record that will probably never be surpassed, certainly not by biscuit-arsed git Fergie or French sourpuss Wegner.

The departure of Jose is a sad loss, not only to Chelsea but to football in this country as a whole. I fear for the baying cretins of the sporting media who have come to rely on him for an endless supply of cheap headlines; expect to see some new faces collecting your rubbish quite soon. I salute you, Jose Mourinho, Chelsea Legend. You are welcome round my house any time and I will even throw in the Missus.. Fuck off, Liverpool !

6th September 2007
England Fans - Best In The World ?

I don't think so.. True fans don't boo one of their best players for no apparent reason. I am of course referring to Frank Lampard, whose contribution to the England cause amounts to more than most. Compared to most other countries England aren't very good, so it's not as if it's a surprise when they fail to win or play badly. If you don't like it, don't watch. Otherwise show some respect to your team and save the disrespect for the opposition. Fuck off, boo boys !

3rd September 2007
Chelsea Are Crap - Official

Chelsea lost for the first time in 18 matches yesterday, thus giving the legion of rent-a-quote armchair pundit idiots the opportunity they've been dying for to announce that the wheels are finally off at the club. I think they're right - Roman should sack that cunt Jose straight away, if only for the crime of losing to a team from Birmingham managed by a bouncy leprechaun. PS: Fuck off, Liverpool !

30th August 2007
Sunderland Keane On Relegation

By pure chance I had occasion to watch League One (aka Third Division) minnows Luton Town dump Premier League (at least for now) bigwigs Sunderland out of the Carling Cup the other night. An unexpected bonus was the appearance for Luton by 37-year-old ex-Chelsea striker Paul Furlong, who responded by slotting two goals past a woeful Sunderland defence.

Do not get me wrong, readers; I have nothing much against Sunderland as a club, apart from the fact that they are northern monkeys. It's their awful manager who I detest. The post-match quote from miserable apeman-alike Roy Keane, who called it his "worst moment yet" as a football manager, made me laugh out loud. Well, Roy the boy, perhaps that will teach you to kick lumps out of Franco Zola, the best footballer ever to grace our shores, for the "crime" of making you look like a talentless donkey.

28th August 2007
Any Portsmouth In A Storm

An unconvincing performance by Chelsea against Portsmouth is mitigated by the 1-0 scoreline. If you can play crap and still win things can't be that bad.

20th August 2007
Rafa Sees Red, Scousers Go Home Blue

An atypically entertaining match yesterday between Liverpoo and Chelsea at Anfield ended in a disappointing 1-1 draw. In spite of the scoreline the game had it all, including good football and multiple handbag incidents on the pitch, mass hysteria in the crowd and hugely amusing touchline antics in and around the Liverpoo dugout. It also featured some top of the range referee insanity, although luckily this time in Chelsea's favour.

The dubious penalty awarded to the Blues by Mr Rob Stiles was the cue for mass fits of self-indulgent breast beating by feral scousers all round the ground. Once again I nearly blacked out with sheer pleasure as the capering, mugging scousers wallowed in the delusional belief that it's only them who are ever wronged.

How I laughed as Andy Gray, thick Professional Scouser Gerraaaard, Rafa "Cunt" Benitez and an assortment of other village idiots derided the ref for his bad decisions. Could it be that they had completely FORGOTTEN about "The Goal That Never Was" two seasons ago, when Liverpoo stole their way into the CL final at Chelsea's expense ? I didn't notice them complaining then. To use a hackneyed expression, What Goes Around, Comes Around. Fuck off, Liverpoo. Fuck off Liverpoo. Fuck off Liverpoo !

13th August 2007
Reading Between The Lines ?

A good start to the season with a 3-2 home win against Birmingham, albeit that Chelsea are clearly missing JT's god-like influence at the back. The news that lowly Reading had held ManUre to a draw in their own back yard was hardly surprising; ManUre have no pride, as clearly demonstrated during the last game of last season where they were supposed to be celebrating winning the Premiership with their fans but ended up being soundly spanked by Division 1 chasers West Ham. Fuck off, ManUre !

9th August 2007
We All Hate Leeds And Leeds and Leeds, But Not As Much As Ken

Dr Les' playful suggestion that ex-Chelsea Supremo Ken Bates bought once-mighty Leeds United with the sole aim of ensuring their destruction is seeming less fanciful as time progresses. Having taken the club into administration and subsequent relegation to League One (aka the Third Division), Bates has performed financial somersaults by somehow managing to write off the club's debts of £30m, including a hefty £7.7m to the Revenue boys, while still maintaining control of the club !

Us ordinary mortals can only gasp with amazement at Bates' financial dexterity, while at the same time wondering how it can be that you can wave off a £30m debt just by changing the name of the anonymous, offshore company that's the registered owner of the club, which I understand is effectively what's happened. At present I am being hounded by the tax boys for a debt of just over £100, so I will be writing to Ken to ask his advice on how to fuck them off while maintaining either an avuncular smile or a look of pained innocence.

It's not all blue sky for Ken, though. Leeds have been deducted 15 points before the season has even started, thus virtually ensuring them of Divison Two status next season. This will likely not cause Ken any lack of beauty sleep, but the fact that Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs are seeing him in court on September 3rd to try to get back their £7.7m may not be doing his digestion much good. All the same, in spite of the Revenue's reputation for always getting their man I would not like to bet on them nailing Ken, who at least up until now has always come up smelling of roses..

Pic: Cristiano Ronaldo enjoys a well-earned post match wallow.

6th August 2007
The Penalty Of Failure

The season finally kicked off yesterday with the traditional but ultimately pointless Charity Shield game between Chelsea and ManUre. Entertainment was strictly limited and largely consisted of the pantomime sneers exchanged between Jose Mourinho and stoneage throwback Cristiano Ronaldo; the best you can say about the game was that it provided an opportunity to have a first look at the players brought in over the Summer.

Typically, Chelsea lost out on penalties in the end, and although irritating it was amusing to see United celebrating as if they'd won the Champions League. Doubtless they're all too aware that there won't be much more to celebrate this season; they were awful, struggling to make headway against a makeshift Chelsea side that was missing five key players. On that showing I'm prepared to forecast that Chelsea will have the title back by Christmas. You read it here first, readers. Fuck off, ManUre !

27th July 2007
Mourinho: Mercury Sniffer or Genius ?

I am amused by Jose's latest antics in the popular press, where he claims that, rather than the Liverpoos and Arsenals, small-timers Rottenham will be "pushing Chelsea for the title" this year.

If taken at face value, this appears to show that Jose respects the fact that Desperate Dan-alike Martin Jol is trying to drag Spurs off the dungheap and give them the credibility they crave by getting rid of the entire team and buying in a load of new no-hopers. Jose points to the fact that Spurs must be good now as they somehow managed to beat Chelsea last season, albeit for the first time in over five hundred years.

Some are saying that Jose has finally realised the error of his ways and is trying to make amends by creating an atmosphere of mutual respect between managers, but those of us who know Jose slightly better are marvelling at the subtle way he managed to trash Spurs, Arsenal and Liverpoo while appearing to praise Jol, Wegner and Benitez. It's perfectly obvious to us discerning fans that Jose thinks that Rottenham have absolutely no hope of winning the title, ever, and is mentioning them as a threat only to insult Frenchie Sourpuss Wegner and Spanish wideboy Rafa, not to mention the awful Liverpool team and their fans, all of whom he hates with a passion.

He is not the only one - this is one subject on which both Dr Les and me are united; we hope that when Chelsea play Liverpoo this season, Jose will go one step further than he did at the Carling Cup Final, when, after Chelsea had scored, he ran up and down the touchline holding his finger to his lips in a glorious payback to the feral scousers who'd been baiting him for the entire game. We hope that this time he will show even more creativity when showing his contempt for Liverpool's delusional supporters, for instance by having a shit in front of the Liverpoo dugout, hurling it into the crowd and then wiping his arse on a red and white scarf, which he will present to Rafa in the bar after the game. Fuck off, Liverpoo !

23rd July 2007
The Return Of The Doc

Depressing news this morning - the objectionable Dr Les has resurfaced, in the form of a stinging letter of rebuke towards a host of famous footballing figures. I won't bother to give the usual warnings, as this has proved ineffectual in the past..

No News IS Good News
I've had loads of positive feedback from my non football-related story, including a one-liner from Dr Les that stated "Show me a statistician and I will show you a cunt". I couldn't have put it better myself - well done, Les !

12th July 2007
Lampard Signs New Contract - World Exclusive!

Frank Lampard returned from holiday last night and drove straight to Chelsea's training ground at Cobham to meet Jose Mourinho and Chelsea officials. After half an hour of talks Lampard emerged, triumphantly waving a new five-year contract said to be worth nearly £100,000 a week.

Lampard quickly put paid to rumours that he'd only signed for Chelsea due to the fact that he'd failed the medical for Barcelona by indulging in a photo opportunity for the photographers waiting on the training pitch.

Looking fit and tanned after his three week holiday, Lampard told reporters that he was delighted to have committed himself to Chelsea for the foreseeable future and that he was "looking forward to running rings round defenders again this season".

11th July 2007
Bellamy: A New Career As A Standup ?

Yet more laughs this morning as neanderthal throwback Craig Bellamy reveals that he signed for West Ham because "they are pushing for Europe". Ha Ha ! Beautiful - West Ham pushing for Europe ! Ho Ho ! It's the way you tell 'em, Craigy-boy - every one's a fucking winner!

10th July 2007
Gallas In Shocking Arse Shocker

Poor old William has finally twigged that slagging off Chelsea and moving to Bumnal was a really bad idea. After a disastrous season winning sweet fuck all in North London while his former team won a Cup double and achieved second in the Premiership and the semi-final of the Champions League, he's been crying like a bitch that Arsenal are "lacking ambition" now that they've sold Thierry Henry and look like losing Fabregas in the near future.

It appears that as well as displaying piss poor judgement, Willie can't count either. In a typically petulant interview that will no doubt go down particularly well with boss Arsene "bumboy" Wegner, Willie boy's crowning quote was "I am not at Arsenal to play for third place". He is absolutely correct - on the few occasions he was in the side he was playing for FOURTH place.

It gets even better: Willie's huge ego finally chased prudence out of the window when he announced that "I will have a discussion with Arsene Wegner and board members to know the objectives of the club this season and what they wish to set up to build an even more competitive team". I think we all know what the answer to that will be, don't we, readers ? Bye bye, Willie !

No doubt that idiot Dr Les will deride me for this, but nevertheless a warm mention must go to loyal reader Campo, who has kept in regular contact with me from New Zealand for more years than I care to count. I've come to look forward to his updates and rely on him to keep me informed on how the English football scene is viewed from the far end of Middle Earth. We are not worthy..

3rd July 2007
Street Of Shamelessness

Those rascals of the popular press have been at it again. This time the idiots are trying to stir up trouble between Frank Lampard and Chelsea fans by announcing that Frankie has "turned down" a deal worth £120,000 a week. Needless to say these stories are based on conjecture, i.e. a complete absence of any facts.

The inconvenient truth is that Frank still has two years to run on his present contract. Negotiations to extend this contract are proceeding at a leisurely pace, partly because of this fact but mainly because Frank is on holiday. This is apparently enough for the baying cretins of the media to print untruthful stories that make Frank appear to be a disloyal arsehole.

If I were Frankie I'd sue the fucking lot of them. There's not much us poor bastard football fans can do except not to buy the papers that peddle this mischievous crap and keep on taking the tablets. Fuck off, "popular" press !

28th June 2007
Germany Calling..

I have been ticked off, via my guestbook, for not replying to an email from Klaus that I never received, presumably because he was so drunk on his normal, vile mixture of Jaegermeister, Kuemmel and Pinot Noir that he forgot to press the "SEND" button. I quote verbatim:

"As u have ignored at your e mail adress...i actually think this is one of my better pieces hic hic.. shit spilled again...t"

I ask you... It's like having a mad uncle who comes to stay and insults the wife, swears at the neighbours, kicks the cat, gets beastly drunk and pisses in the wardrobe. Luckily that sort of profile fits in with this site like a glove ! Read on if you can stomach it...

27th June 2007
Franco Scores Again

Exciting news this morning as Chelsea Super-legend Gianfranco Zola announces his ambition to eventually become manager of Chelsea Football Club. If CFC had even half an ounce of common sense they'd take him on now and help him through his coaching badges, thus ensuring that the players can reap the rewards of working with surely the greatest footballing talent ever to grace these shores. Unfortunately CFC have shown pathetically few signs of common sense since the sackings of Robert Fleck and Chris Sutton, so my advice is not to hold your breath on this one...

26th June 2007
More Red Faces In The Street Of Shame

Tsk, tsk. Now the Daily Torygraph have had to apologise for publishing a story along the same lines as the one in the Mirror, i.e. wrongly implying that Chelsea had been "named" in the Stevens report into transfer wrongdoings. Once again we are forced to ask : how could they have got it so wrong ? Could it be that, like their rivals at the Mirror, they didn't read the fucking thing properly either ?

Frankly you would expect this kind of crap from the red-tops, but I guess the whole sorry episode demonstrates the lengths to which even the so-called "quality" papers have to go in order to sell a few extra copies these days. What next, Daily Telegraph - "Annabel Poncington-Smyth (59) from Cheltenham" sticking her jodphur-clad arse out on page three?

You Want To Duck This One, Eidur
There's yet another ghastly rumour going round on the transfer front, this time to the effect that Chelsea Legend Eidur Gudjohnsen will be leaving Barcelona and signing for ManUre. Now I do not believe for one second that Eidur, a man known for possessing above-average intelligence, would stoop to subjecting himself to cat's arse-face Fergie's boot-flinging dressing room pep talks, not to mention having to rely on service from Darren Fletcher and Keiran Richardson, but on the off-chance that he's having a bad day on the clear-sightedness front, my advice is: don't do it, Eidur - you risk losing both credibility and Legend status if you sign for those muppets.

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