Howard Carpendale performs for Heino
- some magical moments from Heino's birthday show in 1998, as observed by the
eager Jürgen Menck, Hamburg, Germany
Dear Heino enthusiasts from all over the world, you probably know that Heino's
60th birthday was celebrated with an expensive 90 minute show on German prime
time TV, called "Der goldene Heino" (The Golden Heino). For all of you who did
not have the opportunity to see that show and for the ones who long to repeat
the experience, I have made an accurate account of some of the most magical
moments in that show, namely Howard Carpendale's birthday song and the dialogue
I have also tried to add ample remarks and translations to make everybody,
however perfunctory their knowledge of the German language and TV culture
may be, understand the inner workings of this amazing show. Enjoy!
About 10 minutes into the show, Kim Fischer (the female presenter) and Heino,
making small talk about birthday presents, approach a round table with Heino's
special presents on it.
Kim: Aber guck mal: Das ist jetzt Dein Gabentisch. Kim explains the
(Heino: M-Hmm.) Wir haben uns folgendes gedacht. gifts on the round
(Heino, going round the table: Ich geh mal vor.) table to Heino:
Ja, genau. (slightly puzzled:) Beziehungsweise Basically these
die Künstler: (Heino: Ja.) Wir wissen ja, daß du are supposedly
zwei Cafés hast (Heino: M-Hmm) und Souvenirs decorations for
sammelst (Heino, as if before court: Richtig) Heino's cafes
und daß die Wände in Deinen Cafés noch relativ and little riddles
leer sind (Heino ignores this assertion politely), at the same time.
und jetzt hat sich jeder Künstler gedacht (German Heino has to
TV personalities are very stubborn in calling unwrap them and
Schlager singers artists), okay (suddenly pretending pretend to guess
to quote an abstract party guest), dann bring ich whom they imply.
Dir ein Souvenir von mir mit; (Heino: M-Hmm. He After that the
seems to think he always has to react in some way.) respective guest
eines, was Dich- ja- auf mich bringen soll. will perform his
(switching back to her own point of view:) Du act.
sollst nämlich jetzt im Laufe des Abends Päckchen
für Päckchen öffnen und mir sagen, von wem es kommt.
Heino: Aber Du weißt ja mehr als ich! (Kim, Heino seems to feel uneasy about
protesting mockingly: Hoho! Hoho!) having to pretend that he's
Welches soll ich denn zuerst choosing a box spontaneously
auspacken? while really following a detailed
schedule. So he asks Kim
ironically for advice about which
gift he's supposed to open first.
Kim: (She seems slightly shocked by Kim tries to play along by
Heino's lighthearted revelation adopting an ironic tone herself.
that everything is pre-arranged She points at a gift and says:
anyway but tries to play along by "You should help us very much if
adopting an ironic tone.) Du würdest for example you unwrapped this
uns sehr helfen, wenn Du dieses zum one first now."
Beispiel jetzt zuerst auspacken
würdest. (She points at a large box
in golden wrapping paper.)
Heino holds the box, they take positions on both sides of it.
Heino: Würdest Du mir denn helfen? Heino asks if she would help,
immediately trying to ease the
Kim: Na klar! Kim agrees happily.
Heino: So, dann nehm ich das mal hier Heino opens the box and tell us
(takes it), mach ich das mal auf... that he does so.
They uncover a tennis racket and a golf club.
Kim: (pretending not to know:) Oh, ein Everybody knows Kim knows what's
Tennissch...- nee, ein in the box, but still she
Golfsch...läger- beides! pretends to wonder.
Heino: (This overlaps with Kim's previous Heino pretends to mistake the
line a bit.) Tennisschläger und golf club for a gun but his joke
Kanone (The joke passes unnoticed passes unnoticed. Then he claims
by the audience), nein! Kim!! Das ironically these instruments
ist ein Tennisschläger und ein could only belong to a pro (which
Golfschläger. (Kim: Mm.) Das kann Carpendale is probably not) and
nur von einem Profi sein (heavy reveals the name of his guest.
irony)- Howard Carpendale?
Kim: (officially anouncing him) Howard
Howard Carpendale appears on the main stage with a microphone in his hand.
He is a popular singer who was born and raised in South Africa but made his
career in Germany, mainly in the 70's. Fans used to refer to him as "Howie".
They love his accent which is best recognizable when he pronounces "ech",
"ich", or an "r" that is not preceded by a vowel. Some of his song texts
seem to have been expressly designed to highlight this accent! Take for
example the following line from "Du fängst den Wind niemals ein": "Und ich
frage mich, wie lang ich Dich noch halten kann."
"Bier an Bier mit Heino", Howard's birthday song for Heino
Howard's birthday song "Bier an Bier mit Heino" is actually a variation of
his own classic "Tür an Tür mit Alice" which was in turn a German version
of Smokie's "Living Next Door to Alice". A literal translation of the title
would be "Beer to Beer With Heino" but the spirit of the song is probably
better captured by calling it "Sitting Next Beer to Heino"!
Ein Freund rief an, mit leisem Ton A friend called by telephone and
Sagte er ins Telefon: said in a low voice: "Hey, don't
"Hey, vergiß nicht das mit Heino!" forget that thing about Heino!"
Und ich kramte die alten Briefe heraus: And I dug out the old letters:
13. 12., ich halt es nicht aus! Dec. 13th, I'll be damned! I knew
Ich wußte, es wird spät heut nacht, tonight's going to be a long night,
Denn bei Heino geht's ab! because Heino's party will rock!
Nun steh ich hier am Tresen Now I'm standing at the bar
Und denke nur daran, and I'm thinking
Es gibt im Leben Freunde, that there are friends in life
Die man nie enttäuschen kann, whom you must never disappoint,
Und ich freue mich auf ein and I'm looking forward to a
"Bier an Bier" mit Heino. "beer to beer" with Heino.
Fast 30 Jahre We've been fond of each other
Mögen wir uns schon, for almost 30 years now,
Ich kenn von Deinen Haaren I almost know every blond tone
Fast jeden blonden Ton, of your hair,
Und auch heute steh ich gerne and today I like to be standing
Bier an Bier mit Heino. beer to beer with Heino again.
Und ich sag Dir von mir zu Dir: And I'm telling you from me to you:
Alles Gute, Heino! My best wishes, Heino!
Howard has moved towards Heino while singing. Now Heino pats him on the back:
Heino: Howard, danke Dir! (Howard, almost Heino thanks Howard. He tries
inaudible: Gerne, mein Freund. Höh.) to come across as bacchantic
Ich freu mich, daß Du hier bist, and wholesome at the same time
und das Bier (Howard, trying to by promising to drink a beer with
interrupt: Sag mal, was- was-) das him yet insisting to do it after
Bier trinken wir natürlich the show!
Howard: Ja, klar! Aber was war das für'n Howard is too preoccupied with
Begrüßungsapplaus gerade? (He is his own question to go along with
talking about the ovations at the Heino. He wants to make a comment
beginning of the show.) on the applause at the beginning
of the show.
Heino: (seemingly taken aback) Toll! Heino does not know what to
answer except of course: "great".
Howard: (jokingly pretending to be 20 Howard pretends to muse about his
years younger than he really is) own 60th birthday and jokes about
Ob das mir auch in 23 Jahren it being 23 years away (instead
passiert? Hahahaha-ha-ha. of just three).
Heino: (jovially) Aber ganz bestimmt! Heino still wants to react to the
Hähähähähä. remark on the applause, so he says
something reassuring to Howard and
tries to gain time.
Howard: Mal seh'n. (trying to change Howard wants to get down to brass
subject) Wir haben... (Heino, tacks and deliver the lines they
interrupting: Man muß es...) have rehearsed. But now Heino has
found his answer:
Heino: Man muß es hier in Düsseldorf He tries to flatter the Düsseldorf
machen. (He tries to flatter his audience (his hometurf) by
audience again.) proposing Howard made his own
birthday party there.
Howard: (slightly brusque, probably Howard is not interested in the
unnerved by Heino's drift) Ja topic anymore. As planned, he
gerne. Wir haben- äh- in Gelsen- addresses their common past
kirchen vor 31 Jahre' (Heino: Ja, instead, in particular their first
ja) zusammen unsere' erste' Auftritt common show in the provincial town
in Deutschland gemacht. Es war of Gelsenkirchen.
wirklich'n- äh- (barely audible
because Heino interrupts) lustiger
Heino: (interrupting to place a joke) Und Heino just had the idea for a new
man hat uns- man hat uns immer joke: He claims he and Howard
verwechselt, beide blond, (Howard: were always mistaken because of
Hähähähähä) ich noch ohne Brille. their blond hair. Howard seems a
(Howard: Jaja!) Aber Howard, jetzt bit uncomfortable now. Luckily,
hör'n wir Deinen neuesten Hit. Heino comes around and announces
(Howard: Ja!) Ich freu mich drauf. Howard's next song, adding
(Howard: Gerne!) Und anschließend slightly over-enthusiastically
wird das Bier getrunken. that they'll drink their beer
Howard: (visibly relieved to deliver his Howard seems relieved to get it
last line as memorized) Nimm's over with. He ignores Heino's last
nicht persönlich, es heißt: "Mit remark (well, maybe the director
Dir verschwend ich meine Zeit". has told him to hurry, who knows?)
Danke Dir! and makes a well-rehearsed joke
about Heino and the song title,
"I'm wasting my time with you."
Now the music sets in and Howard sings the song he just announced himself.
Back to main Heino Page