Second Chances Part IX
Saturday night Justin's apartment.
He's dressed in a heavy terry cloth robe. There's a knock at the door and he
runs and opens it without bothering to ask who it is.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to open the door to strangers?"
"You're not a stranger. And you're early."
"No, but I could have been." Brian entered with a suit bag draped over his arm and a shopping bag in his hand. "Max needs to install a peep hole. And I'm early because you needed these." He handed the suit bag and shopping bag to Justin.
"I didn't leave any of my dress clothes at the loft. This stuff isn't mine is it?"
"It is now, so go get dressed." Brian smirked. "Please."
"Okay." Justin didn't push it and went to his bedroom. "Help yourself, there's beer in the fridge." He spoke over his shoulder as he closed the bedroom door behind him.
Brian took the time to check Justin's
cupboards and refrigerator to make sure he had an ample enough stock of groceries.
Looking around he made mental notes of little things he could do on the sly
to make Justin's independent living a little nicer and safer. The peephole would
have to be an improvement made immediately along with a deadbolt. He remembered
he had a few things in storage from his preloft days. The oriental rug he'd
inherited from his grandmother would go well in the living room. Of course,
he would have to wait until the blond was in the right mood to accept such gifts.
His thoughts were cut off by Justin's re-emergence into the room. 'Yes' he thought
'the suit was perfect.' He wasn't sure when Leo suggested the Mario Matteo,
but when he presented him with the slick corduroy suit in azure blue he knew it was the perfect choice. The Helmut Lang ankle boots were of simple style and complimented the suit. Seeing his shopping efforts put together took his breath away and damn near knocked him off his feet.
"You look beautiful."
"Thanks, but this is way too much Brian. And what's this?" Justin held out a long slim box tied with a blue silk ribbon.
"Be practical Justin. You need the
suit for special occasions, award ceremonies and maybe the occasional commitment
ceremony. That sport coat and sweater you usually wear down play your looks and the gift is a simple one. Lindsay mentioned you are dabbling in charcoals so I got you a good set. And before you start babbling about your independence, I'm not trying to undermine that. I'm proud of what you've done with this place and stepping out on your own is hard to do at 19."
"Almost 20." Justin interjected.
"Okay...almost 20. You know I can more than afford the suit and it's really me being selfish." Brian took a deep breath after his little speech, giving Justin the time to ask a question.
"How does giving me hundreds of dollars worth of clothing figure into your selfishness?"
"Look in the mirror." Brian blushed
and then looked at his watch. "We'd better go. Papagano's won't hold a reservation
for more than a few minutes." Brian took Justin's arm and they left to experience their first date.
As Brian and Justin enter the dining area, they instantly become the center attention. Two beautiful and elegantly dressed men walking hand in hand was not something that was an everyday event even at such an elite Pittsburgh eatery. The waiter approached, handed them menus and recited the specials of the day.
Brian noticed Justin staring at the menu and decided his date would probably need at least a few minutes to make his decision.
"We're not ready to order. Justin, do you mind if I order us a bottle of wine?"
"No...please do, you have such great taste." Justin looked up from his menu. He felt nervous. This was an all new Brian and he wasn't at all sure if he could relax and enjoy the meal. He felt a bit unsure of how he was suppose to 'act' with this Brian so he quickly decided that his country club manners would serve him well in the situation.
"1982 Chateau Latour" "Yes sir, exquisite choice." Justin could see the waiter already contemplating the huge tip he was sure to be graced with, by Brian's choice of a 1,500 dollar bottle of wine. The waiter glided off to fetch the wine.
"Brian, are you sure? This is so much more than I ever expected."
"What did you expect? The diner and a bottle of Heineken?"
"No, but this is all too much." "Why? I thought this would be appropriate."
"Are you trying to impress me? Because I already know how much money you make."
"Jesus this is 'not' what I expected. Did I miss something? I know it's not a picnic on the fucking floor." Brian adjusted his voice to bring it down an octave and calmed himself. "I was trying for special. Give you a first date you wouldn't forget. Something we could look back on..." Brian cleared his throat and continued. "Something we could look back on years from now. A romantic moment without the bloodletting."
Justin was stunned to silence. All he could do was stare into those beautiful hazel eyes that were now clouded over with doubt. Doubt he'd put there because...well he didn't really know why.
"I'm sorry Brian. It is beautiful, all of it, the clothes, the restaurant...you for fucksake. God you are so goddamn gorgeous. But it's also so completely 'not' Brian Kinney."
"Think about that for a minute Justin. It's not like you've never seen this side of me; you just don't remember it."
Their conversation was interrupted by the waiter serving the wine. He poured Brian enough to taste.
"I'd like my date to taste it as well." The waiter gave Brian a smile and did as asked. "Acceptable?" Brian asked as Justin finished tasting the wine. "More than acceptable."
The waiter beamed at Justin and filled both of their glasses. "Are you ready to order?"
"In a few moments." Brian waved the waiter away and continued looking at Justin. He still looked uneasy which was a total discouragement for him. Would anything with this kid ever go as he'd planned it? Lindsay and her bullshit. Let him know what it feels like to be swept off his feet! The only one getting knocked on their ass here was him. "Would you like to leave?"
"No. I want to enjoy this evening, but..." Justin stopped unable to form his thoughts into coherent logic. Brian sat back and tried to wait patiently for Justin to articulate his thoughts. After a few moments, that felt like hours, he couldn't sit quietly any longer.
"I'm going to the restroom. Have a good reason to continue this fiasco when I get back or we're leaving."
Justin watched the man he loved walk across the dining room with his shoulders slumped in defeat. When he disappeared into the bathroom, Justin silently berated himself for being such an idiot. This is what he wanted. What he had dreamed about and now these weird feelings he had, were fucking things up. Taking a deep breath, Justin decided the only way he was going to make any sense of his feelings was to talk semi-privately with Brian.
When Justin entered the restroom, Brian was drying his hands. Without saying a word Justin took Brian by the hand and led him into the nearest stall and locked the door behind them. Brian was now the one stunned, as he was pushed up against the wall. Justin reached up and pulled Brian into a kiss. They separated only far enough to catch their breaths.
"I'm not fucking you here." Brian whispered.
Justin laughed. "That's not what I want...well right now anyway. I needed to touch you."
"Did it help?"
"Did you come up with a reason?"
"It's because I don't feel I deserve this. Not after everything..." Brian placed his mouth over Justin's to silence him. Drawing back he looked into Justin's crystal blue eyes.
"You deserve it, so enjoy it." Justin nodded. They kissed once again and then returned to the table.
Walking hand in hand in the park. "I would love to have seen Vance's face when you told him."
"Well, I didn't exactly tell him. I had Cynthia mark my parental responsibility dates on my calendar."
"Has he asked you about it...about Gus?"
"No. Which is surprising for Gardner, he's a nosy fuck."
Justin spun around in front of Brian stopping him and pulled him into a kiss.
"What was that for?"
"Tonight. I know it started out a little rocky, but I've had a great time." Justin kissed him again. "Did you really mean it when you said it was something we would look back on years from now?"
"Don't read too much into that Justin. It was meant it to be as simple as it sounded, not a promise of commitment. I do want you to have some good memories."
"Is that 'all' tonight was?" Justin's eyes immediately feel to his feet.
Brian grabbed him by the chin bringing the blonde's eyes back to his. "Don't go drama princess. It's a beginning. We never had that...not really. When I think about the past two years it feels as if 'whatever' it was we had, was forced by circumstances. It needs to be more than that now. And honestly I'm not sure if I'm the best for you."
"Then why try in the first place? You obviously feel we shouldn't be together."
"I didn't say that. Who's to say if we can make it or not, except us. And any one of our friends would bet the odds against us. This is why I hate talking. No matter what I say..." Brian stepped back and looked up at the stars for a moment then looked back at Justin and took his hand. "I want to try. If I fuck it up or we fuck it up we'll work on it . If it doesn't work, then at least this time we really tried." That admission gained him an arm full of blue-eyed blond smothering his face with wet kisses.
"Let's go to the loft. I'm soooo horny."
"Justin. I know you're 'not' going to believe this, but I think we should wait a while."
"What! No! Brian, have you lost it?" Justin stared at Brian as if he'd just grown fairy wings.
"May be, but you said it yourself. That's not where our problems are. I don't want to slide back into a familiar pattern."
"You've 'got' to be kidding me? Okay...okay jokes over. Bring back the real Brian Kinney. The pod person imitation is great, but you're not fooling me with it!" Justin cackled like a crazed person.
"I'm serious. If you're that horny then go find a willing little twink and fuck his brains out. I'm sure you won't have a problem finding one, especially dressed like that."
"I don't 'want' to find someone else. I want you."
"A month. That's reasonable enough. It will give us time to figure out exactly how to do this relationship thing or at least give us a good start."
"A whole month of seeing you and not being able to fuck...to have sex with you? I'll explode Brian!!!"
Brian pulled Justin against him and whispered in his ear. "Good things are worth waiting for Sunshine."
"Fine, but at least give me a sunrise."
"Not tonight. You've got the early shift at the diner and I've got work to do tomorrow."
"And it's still early enough for you to hit Babylon." Justin pulled back shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away.
Brian wasn't going to let him do this, not tonight. He stepped up behind Justin and grabbed his shoulders firmly, holding him in place.
"Justin...listen you're the only one who's ever believed I could be different. I need you to in believe me now or all this isn't worth shit."
Mentally hitting himself for a second time tonight Justin realized he had to stop the drama and let things just happen. Brian asking 'him' for something that was huge. He turned back to face the man who had given him, for a second time, the best night of his life.
"I...I do believe in you. Do you believe in me?" "
Yes. I do."
"What about the things I did, lying, breaking the rules..."
"Everyone's entitled to fuck up, especially when you're 19...almost 20. Hell, I've fucked up enough."
"So I'm forgiven?"
"There's nothing to forgive. It's behind us, another time, a different us."
"Yeah, brand new slate." Brian wrapped Justin in his arms and pulled him snugly into his chest.
"I love you." The men pulled away from each other amazed that the words came out of their mouths, for once, and at the exact same time.
"That was too weird." Justin laughed and stepped back into Brian's arms.
The two stood holding each other enjoying the feel and closeness of the other.
"Brian?" Justin spoke against Brian's chest not wanting to break the embrace...ever.
"Are you really firm about not sharing that sunrise because I know there is no fucking way I'm going to sleep tonight."
"I have to be sweetheart. If I don't take you home right now, I'll end up fucking you."
"This is really important to you, huh?" "Yes."
"But you really want to make love to me, right?"
"Okay. Just one more thing. I know what you said tonight was really hard for you and I don't expect you to say it all the time, but if I need to hear it again, and I will sometimes, can I just ask you to say it?"
"I really had a wonderful time tonight. Everything was perfect and the suit...I love it. Did you just call me sweetheart?"
"Yes. Now shut up for a few minutes so I can will myself to take you to your apartment."