Economic crisis

Here's some serious insight into the current EC
Due  to  the  economic  and  financial situation and the probable merger of
departments/corporations,  retrenchments  etc,  the Public
Service Division  has  decided to implement a scheme to put staff over the
age
of 45 on early  retirement.
 The  scheme  will  be  known  as  RAPE (retire aged persons early).
Persons  selected to be RAPED can apply to be eligible for SHAFT (special
help
after retirement).
Persons who have been RAPED or SHAFTED will be reviewed under SCREW (scheme
for retired early workers). A  person  may  be  RAPED  once,  SHAFTED twice
or
SCREWED as
many times as  management deems appropriate.
Staff  who  have  been  RAPED  can apply to get AIDS (additional income for
dependent  or  spouse) or HERPES (half earnings for
retired personnel early scheme).
Obviously  persons  who  have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED
any
further by management.
Please note that ministry spouses who are not in the PSD may not get AIDS
or
HERPES due to DEATH (dependence ends at the home).
They are encouraged to use CONDOMS (Care of non-dependents (only males)
scheme).
Due to the structure of the schemes, PSD regrets that only male spouses of
staff may qualify for this scheme.
The PSD regrets that other schemes suggested for females are as yet
unreliable
and urge male staff not to get RAPED, SHAFTED or
SCREWED as their wives cannot use CONDOMS