I don't think that a person can mention DD without mentioning the erotic feelings with it. Women can become erotic with spanking for several reasons.
The first reason, (the physical reason) is that by spanking the bottom it produces more blood flow to that region of the body, thus more blood flow to the sexual organs and pelvic regions. In addition, the spanking causes a natural high from the brain-released endomorphins to flow that also heightens sexual excitement.
The second reason, which goes deeper than that is the emotional feelings. We like the fact that we are cared for, and we like to feel secure. Most seem to crave the protective and authoritative aspect of the act rather than the infliction of pain. Women are not asking for abuse, we are asking for more control over the relationship and ourselves. This includes the need by some women for the feeling that her man is strong enough to control her and thus strong enough to protect her, and not a wimp. Knowing that we have a man that is willing to give us these things that comes from a DD relationship is pretty heavy stuff. To realize he not only accepts this need, butt understands it as well is like icing on the cake!
When a woman comes to her husband and hands him "submission to his discipline" on a platter, she is giving him something powerful. She is giving him her confidence and a powerful gift. Should he refuse to discipline her, he is betraying her. For she is telling him that she trusts him enough to know he will use this gift in a wise and loving manner, NOT for his own self-indulgence. The verbal connection and bearing of the soul is what brings about intimacy.
This need of being protected and feeling secure is one of the woman's most basic needs. Our very own survival is based upon our ancestors who selected men that were protective, intelligent and assertive. This need was not only for her, but for her children as well.
Spanking is one of the things that express this need. It provides a form of instinctual reassurance to these traits. One of the reasons that romance novels are so popular is that they describe these very basic needs in an art form. To have a husband that is the head of the household, that will demand her obedience, but still treats her like a queen is a man that is beyond fantasy. Sometimes a woman's greatest enemy is herself, and it is exciting to know when she has a partner that is strong enough to fight that enemy. In order for a woman to achieve sexual satisfaction fully, she must have her emotional needs met as well.
Spanking isn't something that tears down the self-esteem, or self-worth. As a matter of fact, it helps to build them up. To FINALLY know that someone cares so much about me that he will spend time disciplining me so that he can get his wonderful wife back. I have come so far in my healing since meeting him. I have self worth back. I can feel out of control and still completely in control. I hate having my butt spanked (it hurts like hell!) but I would take that over feeling guilty for a week any day. He has helped me more than any therapy every could.
The level of intimacy increases during this shared time. Digits and I truly haven't talked this much and about so many things since we first went out. It is more from the emotions that this type of spanking brings out. While I'm standing there with a sore butt and tears pouring down my face I know that this man loves me enough to correct me and it feels wonderful.
Even if the spanking is for purely erotic reasons, these traits and needs are played out in fantasy. Even if there is no role-playing, the physical act of spanking itself gives her these assurances. Not only do we enjoy spanking, but also we want to be assured that the men enjoy spanking us. We want to know that they become excited by the same activity.
I knew for a fact that spanking turned him on from the beginning, and he kept telling me how much he loved it. But still, I had this nagging feeling, (maybe because I was the one who brought up spanking in the first place), that he was only turned on because I was turned on...lol. I wanted him to enjoy it for his own sake. Well, after talking it out with him, I realized I was splitting hairs. He liked it. I liked it. He told me I have a habit of looking for things to worry about, so he spanked me for that....LOL.
I do think it is important for him (or you) to be able to express these strange feelings that are going on inside. That way you don't carry them around, having them fester. It seemed that about as soon as the words left his mouth about any minor doubts, they were gone. I was patient and understanding of his feelings, which is the key to working through anything.
In addition, you need to have fun with this lifestyle and enjoy the ride. As domestic discipline is about caring, not just following the rules. Sometimes we get so bogged down with serious discussions about DD, it's nice to experience the fun spankings too. A couple of weeks ago, on our Sunday outing, we took the camera down by the river, very isolated spot. We took our clothes off and ran around the woods taking pictures, having fun. It was great fun, even though I kept trying to run the show, informing him he was either too close or too far away for a good picture. That's when he playfully gave me a switching, just enough to leave some nice stripes for the photo...and I had nothing to say about his artistic ability after that...LOL...the pics turned out pretty good too.
Some of these words were quoted/paraphrased by my friends Nightfloat, Catz and Will. Thank you Nightfloat, Catz and Will!!
TABLE - OF - CONTENTS
Back to Main Page
Consistency and Structure
Hitting the wall
Taking a break
Myths and Facts
Hormones Affecting Spanking
View my old guestbook