So now you have decided that this is the lifestyle you want. But how do you start?
TELL YOUR HUSBAND
Simple enough? But wait, what if he laughs at me, thinks I am strange, or I just can't bring myself to telling him.
I felt the same way. We did not have a computer at that time, so it was especially difficult. One of the things you can do is to show him this site. Also check out the links on the web page for the Gentlemanly Art of Spanking, Subnation, and Latches.
Also print out posts from different sites such as Spouse Spanking and Vanilla on Delphi, or letters from Onelist.
The main point to all of this is you have to communicate your desires. If you cannot tell him face to face, you can also E-mail him a card from Kinky Cards, or write him a letter. Communication is the most important aspect to this lifestyle as well as any relationship.
Secondly, go slow. You cannot expect him to change overnight as well as you cannot expect yourself to change overnight. Realize that this is a commitment and it will take awhile to accomplish. However, anything worthwhile takes time.
Before you attempt this life style you need to be:
In addition, you need to ACT like you want to start DD. This does not mean being a brat or pushing him into this. That will only create resentment on his part. You must not only explain to him your need for him taking control, but also SHOW him you want him to take control.
Imagine you are a clay pot in the making. You are aware of your potential function, you can imagine the beauty of your shape. A great amount of time has been spent on forming yourself. You have been the artist all along, and you are potentially wonderful. But you have no training in the art of making clay pots. You start out naively...forming this beautiful thing, this work of art. Every day you shape yourself into what you think will work, but when you wake in the morning, it has all been undone. The shape of you has melted in the night. One day you decide to take an art class. Your instructor gives a lecture about clay pot making. He explains that after the shape is formed, it must be put through the fire in order to preserve its beauty. This is an odd thought. Your mind is reeling… You are the clay pot. Will the fire ruin my work? Will it change the color? Will it hurt? What will I look like when I come out? Nevertheless your instructor informs you that your beautiful work is not finished until it has gone through the fire. You're not sure what this means but somehow you trust his instruction.
You show him you want him to take control of you by being humble. This is what the humbling process is about. Being put through the fire in order to become a better person. The person you always wanted to be, but could not manage to fully become. Only brave people allow themselves to be put through the fire. I believe this process can and does happen through many other avenues besides DD. But for those of us who choose this path, the firing process is imperative. In this process of change, there must be some discomfort, not just physically, but emotionally. And it is very important to realize that it is not only the clay pot that is changed, but the artist too. Both are one and the same: You as a couple, a unit.
Each couple sets the temperature that is right for their growth. This could take the form of spanking of bare bottoms, hands or thighs; corner time; bondage; the wearing of certain attire; sexual deprivation or a whole myriad of imaginative things. Who is the judge of another’s level of needs?
I don’t know of a single person who does not need to change something about himself. But I do know plenty of people who never give a thought to attempt it. Life itself is humbling. The humbling process in DD if used wisely is simply a form, a metaphor for life itself, a clay pot in the making.
Some of these words were quoted/paraphrased by my friend Nightfloat. Thank you Nightfloat!!!
TABLE - OF - CONTENTS
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Consistency and Structure
Hitting the wall
Taking a break
Myths and Facts
Hormones Affecting Spanking
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