EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND
A Long Day's Journey Into Raymond
Written by:
David Feinman
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. (TEASER) TEASER FADE IN: INT. RAY AND DEBRA'S KITCHEN - DAY (RAY, DEBRA) DEBRA PREPARES BREAKFAST. SHE STIRS OATMEAL, SLICES FRUIT AND SETS THE TABLE. RAY ENTERS. HE'S IMPRESSED. RAY Wow, you're like a real mom. DEBRA TURNS AND STARES AT RAY. RAY (CONT'D) I mean the kind of mom who takes care of kids and cooks and... never has another thought in her head. DEBRA PUTS HER ARMS ON HER HIPS AND KEEPS STARING. RAY (CONT'D) I mean... I'm just gonna go before it gets worse. THE TOASTER RINGS RELEASING TWO POPTARTS. DEBRA But I made poptarts... from scratch. A real dad would stay. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. (TEASER) BEFORE RAY CAN TAKE THE POPTART, HE LETS OUT A LOUD AND VERY DISTINCT SNEEZE. DEBRA (CONT'D) God bless you. Hey, that reminds me. This Thursday is Ally's play. RAY How can a sneeze remind you of that? DEBRA She's playing Florence Nightingale. RAY Thursday the Yanks have a day game. DEBRA So, write about the Mets. RAY SNEEZES AGAIN. DEBRA FEELS HIS FOREHEAD. DEBRA (CONT'D) Well, you're not going anywhere today. You've got a fever. RAY Yeah, pennant fever and if I miss that game, it will only get worse. CUT TO: OPENING CREDITS ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. (I/A) ACT ONE SCENE A INT. RAY AND DEBRA'S LIVING ROOM - THE NEXT DAY (DEBRA, MARIE, FRANK, RAY) SOMEWHERE ON THE COUCH, BURIED UNDER A MOUNTAIN OF BLANKETS IS RAY, IN HIS BATHROBE. A LONG QUIET MOAN TELLS US HE CLEARLY DOES NOT FEEL WELL. THERE IS A SMALL MOVEMENT UNDER THE BLANKETS. A HAND REACHES OUT AND GRABS A TISSUE. SOMEWHERE UNDER THE BLANKET, RAY BLOWS HIS NOSE. DEBRA IS OFFSTAGE IN THE KITCHEN. DEBRA (O.S.) Ray? (louder) Ray? FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE MOUNTAIN, WE HEAR A SICKLY MOAN. DEBRA (O.S.) (CONT'D) Did you want honey in your tea? WE HEAR ANOTHER MOAN, THIS TIME LOUDER AND LONGER. THE DOORBELL RINGS. DEBRA ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN AND CROSSES TO THE DOOR. DEBRA (CONT'D) I forgot. Does one moan mean yes or no? RAY MOANS ONCE AS HE BURROWS OUT FROM UNDER THE COVERS. DEBRA OPENS THE DOOR. MARIE ENTERS CARRYING A BIG ALUMINUM PAN. MARIE I bought over some manicotti... FRANK ENTERS CARRYING ANOTHER BIG PAN OF FOOD. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. (I/A) MARIE (CONT'D) and some ravioli. FRANK He better be sick. There's nothing left to eat in our house. MARIE I used aluminum pans so you don't have to worry about me criticizing the way you clean my pots. DEBRA You're too considerate. You know all this cheese isn't good for Ray. MARIE Trust me. I know my son. THE TEA KETTLE WHISTLES. DEBRA TAKES THE FOOD INTO THE KITCHEN. MARIE (CONT'D) (WHISPERING TO FRANK) What did I tell you? He's sick in bed and she's having a tea party. MARIE LEANS OVER THE COUCH AND KISSES RAY'S FOREHEAD. MARIE (CONT'D) How's my little boy feeling? FRANK I don't know about him but that makes me sick every time. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. (I/A) RAY I'll live. It's just a cold. DEBRA ENTERS WITH A CUP OF TEA. SHE HANDS IT TO RAY. DEBRA Can I get either of you some tea? MARIE I wouldn't want to put you out. DEBRA Frank? FRANK I'd like a tray of ravioli if you have one. MARIE That ravioli is for Raymond. He needs it. He's sick. FRANK Looks fine to me. I think your little boy's trying to get out of school. RAY Not me. I wanted to go but my mommy wouldn't let me. MARIE Well, I don't think it would hurt you to rest another day or two. RAY I meant Debra. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. (I/A) MARIE She's not your mother, dear. FRANK Sure. Rest up. You can write your next column about Wally Pipp. DEBRA Wally who? RAY He was the Yankee's first baseman before Lou Gehrig. MARIE Well, then I doubt any one really wants to read about him now. FRANK Exactly. He took a day off and look what happened to him. I'm sure there's a lot of Lou Gehrigs hanging around the pressbox today. DEBRA Ray's not going to lose his job because he took a day off. FRANK Yesterday was a day. Today may as well be a week. Forty years I worked and I never missed a day. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7. (I/A) RAY That's because you were afraid to stay home with Mom. Anyway, I'll probably be back at work tomorrow. FRANK What tomorrow? My father taught me. He sucked it up and went to work, anything short of a heart attack. MARIE Or a hangover. What's the point of showing up half drunk? FRANK What are you talking about? My father knew how to hold his liquor. MARIE Anyway, it's different for Raymond than it was for you or your father. He has talent. DISSOLVE TO: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8. (I/A)
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