Jeffrey: "All my life I've always wanted to be a Pip.... What do you think Camille?"
Camille: "I've always considered you a complete Pip."
Jeffrey: "For those of you with God in your lives please make contact."
Angela: "But the surgery went good. Except for the whole in your head you're perfect."
Mr. Collito: "Where's Dr. Shutt?"
Angela: " He's in the OR cutting twins in half."
Camille: "Thank you."
Aaron: "Excuse me?"
Camille : "I know if you wanted me out of here all you'd have to do is wink."
Aaron : "Contacts... it hurts to wink."
Arthur: This is my procedure!
Jeffrey: You'll get full credit doctor, I promise--especially if he dies.
2. (1-2) "Over the Rainbow" 9/22/94
"Do you know what I think?" Thurmond.
"No. But if you concentrated I'm sure it will come to you." Geiger.
Jeffrey: "I'm sorry. I've said that twice today. That's a new personal record."
Jeffrey: "You'll be able to operate again, kill people the old-fashioned way--with negligence."
3. (1-3) "Food Chains" 9/29/94
"Laurie had a bad week. She bit someone." Laurie's doctor.
"So did I." Geiger.
"I intercoursed a man to death, how can I face people?" Angela.
Angela: "I thought he had arrived, instead he went."
Geiger (to Thurman): "The old people are the most mis-diagnosed , think about that next time you soak your teeth."
submitted by: anonymous
Phillip: "I'll make a lousy chief of staff."
4. (1-4) "With the Greatest of Ease" 10/6/94
We go on because we have to. We save life, Aaron. Have a bad day, you know what? It's just a day. There's another one after that and another and another... More of them good than bad. More good than bad. Heroes, Aaron. We save lives. More good days than bad. Remember that. Heroes."
Geiger to Shutt.
submitted by Stephanie
Birch: "You're big mouth is what got you into this, so do you think you can keep it closed?"
Geiger: "I don't know, lemme try. Oops, seems I can't."
Aaron: "Yes, but even so, I tell all my patients no trapeze flying for atleast 48 hours. Superstition."
Nadine: "Do you think I'm walking a plank with Dr. Geiger?"
Aaron: "With Jeffery? There is no plank. It's just a straight drop."
Nadine: "I thought he was a great guy."
Aaron: "Oh, he is. He'll tell ya."
Phillip: What's wrong with Jeffrey?
Aaron: He's having his period.
5. (1-5) "You Gotta Have Heart"
Aaron: "We need to go home. We're not gonna do anybody any good unless we get some sleep."
Jeffrey: "I won't sleep with you."
Aaron: "Yes, I...I suspected not."
Jeffrey: "I'd sleep with Antonivich."
Aaron: "Well, I'll let her know that. You're not certifiable...yet."
Jeffrey: "You think I'm certifiable Aaron. Sometimes I wonder if you even like me."
Thurmond (walking into Watter's office and seeing him smoking a cigar.): "Those 'ill kill you. Give me one."
6. (1-6) "Shutt Down" 10/20/94
Phillip Watters to Dr. Shutt. "Listen, if you going to snap Aaron"
Shutt replies, "Oh no! GOD FORBID I should snap Phillip, I wouldn't DARE snap, I mean, I've got BULLETS whizzin' by my head in the E.R....I gotta operate on the shooter, I've got patients DYING on me, but - I won't snap. GOD FORBID that I should SNAP. That could make me human, and God forbid any doctor be human in Chicago Hope" !!!
submitted by Geri Hayes
Shutt: "You come near me with your bloated psyco-babble and I will take your head off, alright?", to Kadalski.
Kadalski: "I'm the hospital psychiatrist...How do you feel?"
Nyland: "My arm hurts"
Kadalski: "No, no, I mean *emotionally*!"
Nyland: "My arm hurts"
Thurmond: "One last thing, you're in no position to call my ass puffy." Jeffrey: "Listen, Marcus, you didn't miss anything. The girrafe was dead. So you're better off with that silly hippo. 'cept you know what killed the girrafe? Lyme Disease. Yeah, from an ugly tick, all fat and grey, bloated with the girrafe's blood. It's waddlin' towards your hippo right now. I hate ticks. This one's gettin' closer and closer, big fat, fat tick. It's headin' for your hippo. So do me a favor and stop that tick, step on that tick, splatter it all over the ground, step on that tick. ("I can't") Step on that tick, squish it's guts, GRIND it into the pavement..."
Ray Kadalski: "Please it was working. He felt my little prick before."
Jeffrey: "I'm sure that excited you too."
7. (1-7) "Genevieve and the Fat Boy" 10/27/94
Jeffrey: Oh that's real smart. I'm going into your chest with sharp instruments and you decide to offend me. There's a lesson in common sense, isn't there?
8. (1-8) "Death Be Proud" 11/10/94
"Women... find all kinds of way to leave me." said Shutt melancholy to Watters after Dr. Karen Antonovich finally died.
submitted by Cindy
Jeffrey: "You can get into a lot of trouble operating on the dead. I know. I've done it."
9. (1-9) "Heartbreak" 1/1/95
Jeffrey: "Motorcycles... good for organ donations, not much else."
Aaron (to Camille): "You smell like sex."
10. (1-10) "The Quarantine" 1/2/95
Conversation between Dr. Shutt and his then estranged wife Camille.
Camille goes over to Shutt and sits down next to him "You O.K.?," she says.
"You wanna talk to me" he replies with quiet fury "get yourself scheduled for one of my procedures."
"KILL yourself" she replies angrily and starts to get up, he grabs her arm.
"Hey" he says "You're a liar" ...He tells her angrily that he objects to the way she blames the marriage break up on him, he points out that she was as consumed with her career as he was with his.
Camille quietly turns to him and says "until I woke up one day and realized it wasn't enough" she gazes sadly at him "I turned to you and you weren't there.....you had forgotten HOW to be there"
Shutt turns to her with quiet anger "It takes TWO to forget Camille.......It takes two"!!!
submitted by Geri Hayes
"Complaint #1: There isn't a single resident in this place with any stones. They're all obsequious cowering little sycophants who'd rather suction my drool with their tongues than stand up to me. 'kay, your turn now."
Geiger to Nyland.
Geiger: "First, let me say how sorry I am for you people. What with the homeless, and the stuff happening in Bosnia, and even the patients I see every day, I lost sight of the true victims in society, which happen to be you."
Geiger: "You want a nice job? Go work at Wal-Mart!", to Nyland.
Geiger: "Do not puke on this patient", to Maggie Atkinnson.
Camille: "You know, Aaron, I left you way too soon. There are so many more things to hate about you that I haven't even discovered yet."
Watters: "We had to do a bypass, but everything went fine."
Thurmond: "Who did it? Not Penis Head!"
Watters: "Dr. Penis Head assisted, but Geiger did it."
Geiger (to Thurmond as he's watching Camillie and Aaron fight.): "She's gonna fake to left, go back up the middle. I saw this on a PBS special. That's not friendly body language. See those little specks of spit coming out of her mouth? That's hostility."
Camille: "I lost my husband to another man."
Arthur: "Are they homosexuals Phillip? Not that they don't have rights, they do throw a lovely parade."
(both are referring to Aaron and Jeffrey's relationship)
Aaron: "Were you two together?" (referring to Camille and Arthur.)
Jeffrey: "I can't picture that, which is a blessing."
Jeffrey: "Am I the only one in this hospital not having sex."
Jeffrey: "What a profound thought, it should come with bubble gum."
Jeffrey: (re: Aaron and Camille fighting) "This could be worth the price of the virus right here."
submitted by Heidi
Maggie: "Two weeks ago, I get in trouble because I didn't kill his patient fast enough."
submitted by Heidi
Danny: "...I need to be quarantined, which unfortunately includes the people I've been with."
Jeffrey: "Do we need a bigger room?"
submitted by Heidi
Danny: (to Aaron) "*Please* don't sniff me!"
submitted by Heidi
Thurmond: "Did you concubine with that nurse, Phillip?"
submitted by Heidi
Aaron: "Dr. Thurmond. Why don't *you* go in the corner and faint?"
Thurmond: "This is a horrible Christmas."
submitted by Heidi
Aaron: (to Danny, about the Christmas tree) "Hey, is that real?"
Danny: "What do you think?"
Thurmond: "Why don't you smell it?"
Aaron: "Was I talking to you?"
submitted by Heidi
Phillip: (describing the symptoms) "Could be like the flu -- fever,headaches, abdominal pain. Or it could worse -- nosebleeds, rash."
Jeffrey: "With all that's been going on, somebody must have a rash."
submitted by Heidi
Aaron: "I didn't mean half the crap I said and punching Nyland... well... that I meant."
11. (1-11) "Love and Hope" 1/9/95
Jeffrey: "Aaron, if I had a nickel for everytime Mr. Man didn't show up for class... I'd have a dime."
Danny: "Hey what's up?"
Aaron: "Very funny."
Phillip: "Were you laying down for a while before coming to the hospital?"
Mr. Nabbott: "Of course I was. I was flat out for a day looking like a sun dial."
Aaron: "Married people don't have sex Camille."
12. (1-12) "Great White Hope" 1/16/95
Aaron: "I know there are no guarantees that you don't get a sick child, but I can't knowingly adopt one."
Philip (talking about Lannie and his father): "That kid was 15 years old and he's dead. I don't care how much he hurts he killed him. "
Alan: "How will I know when she needs to burp? Nurse? Hello? I guess will just have to figure this one out. You and me by ourselves. I've been searching everywhere to find a home for you. Would you like to come home with me. Huh? Well you think about it, and I'll think about it to."
13. (1-13) "Small Sacrifices" 1/23/95
Alan: "And I have puke on my shoulder. My daughter has vomitted on me, this is not acceptable."
Billy (after pulling part of a toothbrush out of someone stomach): "You eat fingers, you gotta brush."
Geiger: "That vomit?"
Alan: "Yeah it's my daughter's vomit. I just wanted to get a picture first. I'll keep you apprised." (leaves room.) Geiger (to Nyland): "Did he just say he wanted to get a picture of the puke?"
The infamous toad speech:
Judge: "Now I want you to tell this whole courtroom, 'Together we are toads.'"
Saunders: "I really don't think..."
Judge: "Say it."
Saunders and Birch:" Together we are toads."
Judge: "Thank you. Court order granted. Dismissed."
Birch: "Your Honor, I am not a toad. I am here as an attorney in the normal course of legal business. Now there would be consequences if we unilaterally amputated that finger without a declarative judgement. So I, I just don't give a damn about your little trip to Florida. I don't give a rat's ass about taking up your time. And see you your honor, are a toad. Yea, yeah, there he is people. Look up at him, there he resides Judge Toad. The honorable justice toad."
Judge:" You are in contempt. Bailiff, take this pipsqueak away."
Birch: "That's an abuse of power your toadship."
Judge: "Take him."
Birch: "Yeah take me away. This is not respect."
Godfrey Nabitt: "You can't talk to me this way."
Alan: "Oh yeah I can. I'm a lawyer."
Geiger: "Don't be trying to characterize us as experimental
hacks for General Electric, testing out the new microwave."
Wambaugh: "I happen to like GE. They bring good things to light."
Alan: "Please Phillip, I will do the talking. Your lips don't move except of course for reading."
Aaron: "I've never heard of a group deposition."
Jeffrey: " Yeah, and he's been sued a *lot*."
submitted by Heidi
14. (1-14) "Cutting Edges" 2/6/95
Geiger: "Are you out of what's left of your mind?", to Laurie.
Geiger: "...I also need quiet. When I pace, my pants make a sound. Not a big sound, a little sound. A whipping sound. Strikes me. Makes me hafta stop pacing and then I don't think so well."
15. (1-15) "Life Support" 2/13/95
Alan: "It was a very big gun Phillip."
Alan (to press): "No one has been shot, yet. And we hope to keep it that way."
Billy: "I'm serious Phillip, one punch and I can take him out."
Cop: "Who are you?"
Billy: "WHO are YOU"
Aaron (after a bullet explodes): "This sucks. This really sucks."
16. (1-16) "Freeze Cuts" 2/20/95
Watters (to Infante): "An ear fell off a patient in the OR; Put it back on."
Watters (to Grad): "I'd twist your arm but your in research it would probably fall off."
Hancock: "You represent everything I find repugnant about in medicine, EVERYTHING!"
Grad: "Well I try to be thorough.
Geri: "Jeffrey, you better give it to me or it's gonna shrivel up and die."
Diane: "Bottom line, it comes down to money, we just don't sing about that in the jingle.
patient: "Well that more honest than you Dr. Hancock and you told me I was going to die soon.
Hancock: "I'm talking about saving a life here."
Diane: "I'm trying to save thousands of lives here!"
17. (1-17) "Growth Pains" 2/27/95
Mr. Bagley: "What do you think I am crazy?"
Billy: "You pull out your hair and eat it."
Alan: "Don't let her die"
Jeffrey: "I won't let her die."
Alan: "Just tell me."
Jeffrey "I'm trying to tell you. You won't let me explain..."
Alan: "Cut the medical mumbo-jumbo and just tell me what's wrong with her."
Jeffrey: "The hole in her heart... Alicia is suffering from congestive heart failure. The blood is backed up in her lungs. She's got pulmonary edema."
Alan: "Is she going to live."
Jeffrey: "We need to operate to patch the heart so the blood doesn't keep getting backed up.
Alan: "Please tell me she is going to be ok."
Jeffrey: "Surgery on an infant, in heart failure, is a very risky thing I wont lie to you. But I'm going to take care of her Alan, that is a promise from me to you that's a promise."
Alan: "Can I see her?"
Diane: "Alan... Alan, I don't think it does you any good to be up here watching."
Alan: "It's...it's I had no plans. It's just ah he's not singing."
Alan: "Geiger... he normally sings in the OR and he's not. "
Diane: "Well he's good."
Alan: "Yeah he is. He is the best, so not to worry 'cause he is the best."
Billy: "Buddy she is not Judy Garland and you are not a cat. Hairballs can kill you. You happen to have a very large one lodged in your stomache that is why you are uncomfortable. If I don't cut it out you are never going to get back to Kansas."
Jeffrey: "How was your day? Get the steel poll out of the guys head ok?"
Alan: "Jeffrey, I won't take it easy she's blue."
Danny: "I'm sorry I've never heard of a personality-ectomy."
Alan: "I want this case reassigned to another doctor."
Jeffrey: "Why is that Alan?"
Alan: "Because you missed the holes Jeffrey that why, then maybe you didn't get them all patched. Then maybe your stitching caused the swelling that screwed up the electrocal conduction. And the pacemaker wires you put in came loose. Jeffrey you are doing terrible work. That's why." Jeffrey: "You want another doctor. Get yourself another doctor."
Alan: "The problem with you is you're happy that's the problem with you."
Jeffrey: "I beg your pardon?"
Alan: "Infante. She's knocked you off your game."
Jeffrey: "What did you just say?"
Alan: "I'm sorry that's the way I see it. Jeffrey Geiger has always been angry and you channel that anger into your work and that's what makes you brilliant. You told me one of the reasons you sing in the room is to fight the rage. Well you haven't been singing in the O.R. Jeffrey."
Jeffrey: "Well when things are deadly serious I usually don't sing. That was me concentrating in there Alan. Concentrating on your daughter."
Alan: "I don't think so. The old Jeffrey Geiger would have fixed Alicia simple."
Jeffrey: "With all due respect to you emotional predicament the old Jeffrey Geiger is about to emerge andstep down on you head."
Alan: "I want another doctor." walking away and passing Infante in the door way. "You're ruining him."
18. (1-18) "Informed Consent" 3/13/95
Billy: "That's very politically correct of you , but I slept with it!"
Aaron: "We killed him. Diane Grad was right."
19. (1-19) "Internal Affairs" 3/20/95
Billy: "I like Jeffrey Geiger. I just think the man is mentally ill."
Jeffrey: "So he just cut it off with a chain saw."
Billy: "You know what?!?"
Alan: "Your lips do not move in here Billy. Officer Plumb will never 'know what'."
Danny: "We used to see each other."
Jeffrey: "Right. Your little nurse fetish."
Alan: "I put out a memo regarding coarse humor in public areas...maybe you didn't get it?"
Jeffrey: "Yes, but I'd run out of toilet paper, I had to put your memo to emergency use...Sharing that here was probably a violation of your directive wasn't it? Sorry, I'm chagrined, let's wipe the slate clean...you got another memo handy?"
Billy: "Son of a bitch reminds me of me."
Jeffrey: "You're a whacko!"
20. (1-20) "The Virus" 5/8/95
Infante: "Why don't you go to hell."
Geiger: "Well I've been. They sent me back."
Nyland: "You don't like me do you?"
Kronk: "Not yet."
Geiger: "Sometimes when you walk, do you hear your pants?"
Phillip to Alan: "You want to panic, go sit on a toilet and sing."
Camille: "My nurses are completely sterile."
Billy (to Danny): "That ought to make you feel better."
Danny (talking about Jeffrey): "I think the bacteria comes out when he opens his mouth."
Alan: "Judge Aldridge has the attention span of an autistic gnat. Your little pregnant pauses will not work here. that little 'hmm' you do. Don't do that."
Phillip: "Don't tell me how to be."
Billy: "Why did Geiger say that? Do I stink?"
Diane: Not that I'm aware of?"
Billy: "That's the problem of talking with you research types, you have no social skills."
Diane: "Well I apoligize."
Judge Aldridge: "Turn around."
Judge Aldridge: "Turn around. Turn around and face the gallery. I want you to tell them 'I am a Chief of Staff Toad!."
Jeffrey: "I don't want to be needed again, it's to hard."
21. (1-21) "Full Moon" 5/15/95
Geiger: "... that's what first dates are about, pretending and lying."
Geiger: "What did she say?"
Shutt: "I believe it was 'Hah'."
Geri: "You're his best friend let me ask you, is he ever going to sleep with me?"
Aaron: "Oh... well I'm sure he will."
Geri: "...I have a nun waiting for a face lift."
Jeffrey (to Aaron): "I need you."
Camille: "Tonight now, ER's on."
Aaron: "If I can miss Michael Jordan you can miss Anthony Hopkins."
Geri: "I've heard so much about you."
Laurie: "You always know where to find me...that's cause I'm locked up."
22. (1-22) "Songs From the Cuckoo Birds" 5/22/95
Alan: "Jeffrey I will punce all over this Dr. Putz. I am not going to lose trust me here."
Jeffrey: "Alan, I've decided to go with another lawyer."
Billy: "Everyone knows he's got a crayon loose in his head."
Alan: "I certainly don't want to hear that in your testimony."
Alan: "You know two months ago Jeffrey came into my office talking about my legal actions and he said I keep this place afloat."
Phillip: "Yes, you do."
Alan: "Yes well the actions speak louder then the words."
Camille: "The idea of him not coming back...Chicago Hope could become... happy."
Judge: "Dr. Geiger you are a little strange."
Jeffrey: "I'm very strange."
Danny: "This place will run so much better when we're in charge."
Billy (singing): "Sweet Home Alabama."
Everyone in OR: "Oh shut up."
Billy (still singing): "Where the skies are so blue."
Danny: "You're killing the patient."
Aaron: "Last night I was pacing and I heard it. I heard my pants."
Aaron: "Thanks to you I hear my pants now. I hear my pants when I pace, are you happy!"
Robert St. Clair: "Why is no one wearing pants?"
Jeffrey: "Does it make a difference?"
Alan (to Jeffrey): "We both love trains. We both sing to relieve stress, though I of course do it in the bathroom. I think we've got a lot in common."
Jeffrey: "My singing's a problem? Kronk's is like chalk on a blackboard. The guy could kill a patient with that voice."
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