News, July. 1994.
1. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside
5. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours
6. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without
7. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors
8. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Noogie patrol coming!"
9. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake
10. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it
11. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then
12. When at least eight people have boarded, moan from the back,
13. Meow occasionally.
14. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
15. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go, " then sigh and say "oops!"
16. Show other passenger a wound and ask if it looks infected.
17. Holler "chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
18. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
19. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're
20. Burp and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
21. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
22. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"
23. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
24. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
25. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
27. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna
28. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
29. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
30. Wear X-ray specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.@