Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked
beans. He loved
them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on
him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they
would marry, he
thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying
on like this,
so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up the beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his
way home from work, the
car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and
told her that he
would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small
cafe and the
wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any
ill effects before
he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra helpings
of baked
beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt
reasonably
safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed,
"Darling, I
have the most wonderful surprize for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold
on him,
led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to
peek.
At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his
wife was about
to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not
to peek
until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was
gone, he
seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was
not only loud,
but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned
the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He
raised his leg and
RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To
keep from
gagging, he tried fanning his arms awhile, hoping the smell would dissapate.
He got
another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the
dishes on the
table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping
his promise
to stay blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting
and fanning each
time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his
napkin on his lap
and folded his hands on top if it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture
of innocence when
his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked
at the dinner
table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and
yelled, "SURPRIZE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the
table for his
suprise birthday party. @
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