A game of chance, skill, and funk. For two or more players.

OBJECT: Become the funkiest tuba player in the section.

EQUIPMENT: 1 pack of cards, 1 game board, 1 4-sided die, and 12 playing pieces. You'll probably also need to get a Frisbee and a pad and pen.

FIRST TIME SET UP: You'll need to print this page, and all this stuff. It is suggested that you print the cards and die onto thick paper, like a cut-up manilla folder, so that you can't see through the cards and so the die and playing pieces will have some weight to them.

Cut out the cards, stack them up, and keep them handy. Then cut out the die:

Fold it up along the lines so that the sides with the numbers are on the outside. The finished die should look like a pyramid. Put tape on the edges to keep it together.

Next, cut out the game pieces:

Decorate them somehow to distinguish them from one another. You will only need one piece per player. Fold them up and tape them like you did the die. (If you need more, make your own.)

Print out the game board on whatever the hell you want. You can even laminate it. It's your game board, do what you want to it.

To make the game more interesting, put something inside the little "basket" at the top of the board for the winner to have. Beer would be a good motivator. (If you're going to use beer, you're probably already drinking it anyway, so put a good beer in there. None of that canned crap.)

NORMAL SET UP: Put all the little decorated pyramids on the big, stupid "Start" box. Got those cards handy? Good. Shuffle them and stick them face down next to you somewhere.

Order of play goes by weight. The fattest goes first, then the next fattest, then the next fattest, all the way down to the skinniest bastard in the section.

On your turn, roll the die and move forward the number of quadrilateral thingees it indicates. Follow the path indicated by the connected sides.

When you land on a grey thing (which should be most of the time), pick up a card from the stack and do what it says.

THE CARDS: There are four types of cards.

1. Funk cards give or take away funk points:

The ones that ask you to do something (like lick someone or fart) are optional, but it is suggested you do them anyway to get funky.

2. Blat cards give or take away blat points:

3. Instructional cards (the ones with a simple command centered in the card) are not optional, and they don't give or take away points. (These are also known as "character-building" cards.)

4. There is one Cracker card in the deck. When you get the Cracker card, you lose all Funk points (Blat points are unaffected) and go the the trombone section. There is one way into hell, but two ways out. Take either path of circles (as you would on a normal turn) back to the big, stupid "Start" box, each circle counting as a level.

Discard the cards after use by piling them face up next to the "virgin" cards. When the cards run out, take the face-up pile, shuffle them, and put them face down again to continue use.

SCORING: Find a chick you really dig, then beg and plead.

COUNTING THE POINTS FOR THE GAME: Funk and Blat points are to be counted separately. Just write 'em down on a piece of paper or something. (We would suggest one "master sheet" for everybody, becuase you know they're all a bunch of lying, cheating bastards.)

THAT BLACK SPOT DOWN THERE: We have no idea what this is for. Just make up something for it.

THE WINNER: The game is over as soon as someone gets to the basket. (NOTE: You may only get to the basket on a roll of the die that allows the exact number of levels necessary to reach it.) However, the person who reaches the basket first is not necessarily the winner. The winner is the one with the most Funk points, and the runner up is the one with the most Blat points. If King (or Queen) Funk also has the most Blat points, then so be it. He's just a Funky, Blatty kind of guy.

*This game is recyclable! If you decide you don't like it anymore, take all the parts to the nearest recycling center and dump it with them. (Hell, they may like it and decide to keep it! Whee!)

Another great thing from the OSU Tubas. Patent pending.