How to Join the OSU Tubas

Just what are we looking for in a new member?

The truth is, we're not too picky when it comes to adding people to our section. The more the merrier. However, there are a few guidelines we tend to stick with when we're recruiting. Take a gander at our list of qualifications and see if you're fit to be a Blatvian.

Can you play the tuba?

This is the most basic general requirement of joining the section. However, we are willing to make exceptions if you are a good dancer or a good-looking female.

Can you play the tuba loud?

If you can, then good. We like loud. Loud is our friend. But you sure better not sound like a jackhammer or a trombone player. Or Russell.

Are you an asshole?

We don't care how good you are; if you're a complete jackass, then we don't want you. Really. Maybe you can join the trumpet section or something. There's nothing we hate more than a cocky freshman. Sure, you may have been the shit in high school, and you may be a better than a couple of the upperclassmen, but we don't want to hear about it. So just shut up, and maybe we'll end up liking you. The better we can all get along, the more cool stuff we'll get to do.

Are you cool?

We're not neccessarily talking about drinking here, but you really need to be able to fit in somehow. There are plenty of nerds and geeks in the section, so that's okay. What we really can't stand are dorks -- the social lepers who walk around all day with both feet in their mouths.

You also gotta be able to boogie. For many of the shows we do, the tubas are told to/allowed to/able-to-get-away-with making our own drill. We're a very visual section. If you're a cracker, you're going to slow us down.

If you're not a dork, and you can get down even a little bit, then you're probably cool enough for us.

Are you humble?

Nothin's cooler than a bunch of cool people who don't try to remind everybody how cool they are every chance they get. As long as you're not an asshole, this probably isn't going to be a problem.

All in all...

Even if you don't match up to all these, you'll probably get in the section. We have various methods of dealing with assholes and dorks. We have plenty of ways to help people play the tuba better. We can even do some improvin' on your groovin'. So in the end, if you're up for a little work, and don't mind a little pain, you'll be in for the best 4-10 years of your life. If you're interested, give us a ring.

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