sketch of Alexandra I


In view of your abject failure to support the position of the United States of America with respect to the nation of Iraq and thus to govern yourselves, We give hereby Notice of the Repossession of Our real estate, the Aquitaine and all other Provinces comprising the modern nation of France, effective today at Five O'Clock, Greenwich Mean Time. I, Alexandra, descendent of Pepin, the Capets, Bourbons, as well as the Berengers, Rollo, William the Conqueror, Bertrand du Guesclin, Eleanore of Aquitaine, and countless others many times over; great-grandfathers also being one's cousins, uncles and God knows what all, will resume Sovereign duties forthwith over all Departments, Commonwealths and other Territories. Your new Prime Minister, yet to be named, will suggest to Her Majesty a Governor-General for France without the need for further elections. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a Monarchy, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1.) French waiters will no longer snarl or throw plates of food at tourists or other Frenchmen. Those who do will be placed in stocks in public parks and used for food throwing target practice by passing pedestrians.

2.) French fashions reproduced with consent in the Third World rather than in France will carry the label, "Made cheap in Oriental sweatshops."

3.) French soap manufacturers will be given an assist as each French citizen over the age of fourteen is now required to buy and use one bar of domestic soap every two weeks rather than the 'one bar per person per year' currently reported by soapmakers.

4.) The 'draft' will be initiated and all males who have reached their 18th birthday are required to register. The French army is to be refered to as the "Grand Army".

5.) There will be no official religion. Those who wish to return to Druidism may do so but please refrain from offering human sacrifices over bonfires in Oak Groves.

6.) I will be taking possession of Chinon and other inherited real estate but a portion of said estates, castles and palaces, will be reserved for sightseeing.

7.) "Departments" will be known as "provinces". France is NOT a department store.

This Repossession of the Nation of France is deemed necessary as the result of the failure of the government of France to perform in the best interest of the French people. This American, therefore, stands ready to take command of the French Empire and to do her best for the good of her subjects.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Welcome back to the Monarchy.
Alexandra I