Reader's feedback, Jun 2003
Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters
on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect
the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...)
indicate deleted portions.
Some people request non-anonymization to allow other readers to send them
feedback. If you want to reply to these people, please send your reply to the
email address in the header of their mail, not to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks!
Date: Sun, 22 Jun 2003
(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special
Hello, I am a 16 year old girl. When I was younger,
my parents used to spank me on my bare bottom with their
hand. This form of punishment always seemed to work well
for me. I can still remember the comfort that I felt
whenever my parents would spank me, because it let me know
that they loved me and cared about me. They stopped
spanking me when I was about 7 though. Ever since then,
I've been a pretty good girl. I have always gotten good
grades in school, and I've stayed out of trouble, until
now. About 4 months ago, I lost my virginity to my boy
friend, and my parents found out. They asked me what I
thought was an appropiate punishment, and I mentioned your
site. We came to an agreement that my dad would spank,
bare bottom, with his hand. I was very pleased, since I
felt that I needed a good, hard, spanking. After my dad
gave me the hard and long spanking, I felt much better.
Although I didn't cry, it hurt a lot. A couple of days
later, I decided to sneak out in the middle of the night
to go out with my boyfriend. Unfortunatly, my parents
found out. They gave me another, harder, spanking. Again,
for some reason, I did not cry. The spanking seemed to
help me a lot. For the next couple months, I was staying
away from my boyfriend, and I was staying out of trouble.
Then, last week, I skipped school so that I could be with
him. The school found out and called my parents. They
were really mad, so they decided to try the "Layered Cake"
method. My dad spanked me, and then talked to me, spanked
me, and then talked to me many times. After all the "layers"
were finished, he ended with a really hard spanking to make
me cry, like your website suggested. For some reason though,
I didn't cry. I don't know why, but I just didn't. The
next day, my dad had to leave on a business trip that would
last a week. He told me that whenever he gets home he's
going to use his belt until I ball like a baby. I'm really
scared because I have heard that a belt hurts terribly.
I don't know what to do. My parents think that because I
didn't cry, I didn't learn my lesson. But they're wrong!
The spankings DID hurt, and I definitly DID learned my
lesson! If you have any suggestions on what I should do,
please write back. Thanks!
(In another mail dated July 2, 2003:)
Dear Spank With Love,
Thanks so much for responding to my letter that I sent you!
I really appreciate it! I showed your e-mail to my dad
and it almost brought him to tears. He told me that he
felt so sorry for threatening me with his belt, and that
he should have never even thought of such a thing. I talked
with my parents, and we agreed that we no longer wanted to
use the "Layer Cake" method, because we don't completely
agree with it's directions. Although it may work for some
kids, it doesn't however, work well for me. We came to the
decision that I will only be spanked for certain offenses
(ex. being around my boyfriend, getting a C or lower on
tests, etc.) I've decided to break up with my boyfriend
because my parents don't approve of us being together at
all. As much as I love him, it's definitely not worth being
spanked every night over. If I do sneak out with him, I
will be spanked very hard with my dad's hand on my bare
bottom, and grounded as well.
My parents will also use other forms of punishment for
other things such as grounding, loss of privileges, and
extra chores, but they will NEVER use the belt on me.
I just wanted to say that if any kids don't
fully agree with their punishments, I think they should
reason with their parents until they both come to a mutual
agreement. Also, I don't think ANYONE should belt their
kids, it can be very harmful to the child. If you decide
to post this on your site, please leave my name and e-mail
address available to anyone who would like to talk with
me about spanking older children. Thanks a lot for all
your helpful advice!
Date: Sat, 21 Jun 2003
(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special
I Adam Montrose hereby agree to accept spankings, from my parents, as my
main form of discipline. I will accept all spankings willingly and
understand that they are a form of punishment and thus will be fairly
unpleasant. My parents understand that all spankings will be administered
lovingly and without anger, But also understand that they must carry though
with the punishments in the fullest.
All spankings will be administered in my room with both my parents present,
on the bared bottom using either the hairbrush or the cane. Punishments
will be carried out at 8pm on the evening of the offence committed. All
spankings will be administered until I begin to cry heavily and my parents
feel that sufficient remorse is shown. The length that my spankings will
last is at the sole discretion of my parents. I understand I will be fully
informed of when and why I am to be spanked. I may then present a case in
defense of my behavior.
The punishments will be carried out in the following manner as agreed upon
by my parents and me. Wait in the corner in my room until parents come in,
discussion with parents, bring the implement, take down pants and get into
position, spanking using the layered cake method as described on the spank
with love web site, write punishment journal entry, more corner time,
hugged and forgiven then sent to bed.
Well thatís the contract and my parents and I both have a signed copy of
I will try and get around to sending you the rules we agreed upon in the
next little wile.
The contract is pretty strict and itís a little more than I thought a
punishment would be but my parents just decided to punish me the same way
Mrs. P does so I guess Iíll get use to it.
I received my first spanking last week and it certainly wasnít pleasant I
came home really late and my parents were very worried so they said that
tomorrow I would get my first spanking with the cane they were really
worried about me and really angry. So for the entire day I was just
sitting around my house worried about the punishment I had coming, I new I
deserved it but I was definitely scared. Well at 8 mom came in and put me
in the corner, I had to stand there with my hands on my head for what
seemed like ages until mom and dad came in. Then they talked to me about
how worried they were and that I should have known better well I agreed
with them and said I did deserve this punishment. Then I brought in the
cane and pulled down my pants, which was kind of embarrassing in front of
my parents but bare was what we agreed upon, then my mom put some pillows
on the bead and told me to lye down across them. Well then she asked me if
I was ready and began spanking it hurt like hell I was really crying after
a couple of stokes then she stopped and they both lectured me some more
like they layered cake method. Well then dad took the cane and began
spanking me which really hurt I was crying quite heavily then they stopped
and talked some more and each delivered one more stroke. Well after I had
calmed down I had to write my punishment journal entry then I was put in
the corner again for a bit, then my parents came in again and hugged me
kissed me etc then I went to bed. Well that was a horrible experience and
I definitely wont be coming home late anytime soon so I guess its working
anyways I will try and keep you updated well. Thanks for reading and I look
forward to haring from you.
Oh by the way you can post my name and e-mail I donít mind neither does
Mrs. P or Jeremy.
Subject: Should Kids Cry?
Date: Fri, 20 Jun 2003
Dear Spank With Love,
I am a 14 year old girl who was spanked very rarely as a
toddler. I can remember being spanked lightly and not often.
I think that your website is great though. After searching
the internet, I came to the conclusion that your site best
describes the pro's and con's of spanking. I'm not exactly
sure if I support spanking children or not. I just have
one question... When someone is spanking a child, should
the spanker continue smacking the kid until he or she cries?
I have read many contradicting information on this topic.
I understand that you believe that a child shouln't be
spanked more than like 3 times. I agree. But when I was
reading the "Layer Cake" method, it says that a child should
be spanked hard at the end to bring up tears. Some kids
however, are tougher than others, and it might take many
spanks to make him or her cry. How do you feel on this
topic? I would really appriciate hearing back from you.
If you do post this e-mail on your site, please keep my e-mail
address annonymous. Thanks again!
Subject: Bare bottom or not?
Date: Wed, 18 Jun 2003
I would like to relay the details of a spanking I received
two nights ago to maybe help some people who are questioning
how to effectively spank an older person (I am 21).
I was wearing panties and loose fitting cotton shorts.
(...) My shorts were pulled
up just a bit to completely expose the 'sit spot' on my
upper thighs, very lower buttocks. (...)
I was then spanked steadily to the same spot until I
couldn't take anymore and started to cry. As soon as I
reached that point, my spanking was over.
This manner of spanking can easily be applied to parents
with older children/teenagers who are worried about making
their child undress in front of them or who are not accustomed
to seeing their child naked. The 'sit spot' is not covered
by underwear (except in the case of boxers) and can easily
be exposed without any real nudity. Spankings hurt in that
spot the most, so by concentrating the swats to that small
area, the spanking can still have its affect yet be over
quicker. You can do this by spanking on top of underwear,
if you feel comfortable lowering your child's pants, or by
pulling loose fitting shorts or skirts up just enough to see
almost to the pantyline. You can also spank a girl on top
of her swimsuit if the bottoms have the same cut as panties.
If she wears it to the beach and lets everyone see it, she
can't be embarrassed about you seeing it, can she?
Hope this helps.
Subject: another spanking story
Date: Tue, 17 Jun 2003
Hello, I am a 31 year old single dad with two beautiful
daughters. We are very much into a church lifestyle and the
children are attending Christian school. My youngest is four
years old and attends pre-school and her sister is 6 years
old and will be going into first grade soon. My daughters are
very well behaved for the most part, but they do get their
spankings. I have never thought that spanking a child was
wrong, as I was brought up in Christian school and church
and was spanked in school although rarely at home. My
daughters are spanked bare bottomed. I know alot of people
do not agree that this is a correct way to spank a child,
but I would rather spank them this way which really doesn't
hurt them with any lasting effects since you are only slapping
bare skin.. whereas spanking them with a paddle could leave
bruising. My daughters don't like the spankings and I don't
think any child does, but my daughters and I are close and
they love me. After a spanking I make it a ritual that we go
and do something special together, like the other day we went
out to their favorite ice cream parlor. It is my way of
telling them that although daddy had to spank you, he still
loves you. It works, try it!! I know eventually once the
girls are older I will be switching to a paddle as their
primary form of discipline, but now I just feel like they
are responding well to their spankings as they are and it
isn't leaving bruises on them as I fear paddling will.
Date: Tue, 17 Jun 2003
Please find attached a letter providing my own experience with
spanking and some background on the rules my parents used. I
would be interested in feedback but would prefer not to share
my email. However, if you have any comments or would like to
forward a specific feed-back addressed to me I happy to share
my email in these specific circumstances. Otherwise please feel
free to use the letter as you wish.
Dear Spanking With Love
I am a father of two boys, 6 and 8 years old. I have spanked
the older one twice both in cases of where he put himself in
danger or his brother and only after having warned him precisely
about the consequences. Although my parents were extremely
strict and used to spank me regularly (mostly my mother) I
feel uncertain about when and how to spank, even in rare
circumstances. It is the worst feeling to hurt your children
and thus, it is important that you know exactly why they are
getting punished. It also helps therefore to follow some steps
and rules as this web site suggests very well. Having thought
about the way my parents raised my brother and me it might be
helpful to share this experience with others. My parents had
very strict rules (thus not necessarily applicable to others,
not even my own family) but the principles might be worthwhile
considering. These rules were implemented when I was 10, at
which age they considered I fully understood these rules and
consequences. Until then, both my brother and I got spanked
on the bare bottom but rather occasionally and mostly in
instances of persistent bad behaviour or when putting ourselves
in danger. These rules remained in force with regular
modifications as long as we lived at home.
Their disciplinary approach had some major elements:
1. Clear rules and consequences meant that we understood
exactly when and why and how we would be punished
2. Punishments were administered fairly swiftly but only
after a "cooling off" period
3. There was a clear routine for the punishment which meant
that we knew exactly what would happen, we learnt to accept
the parental authority and the punishment without resisting
and there was a sense of inevitability to it; we were never
spanked before we accepted the need to get punished and agreed
to it (to which we had no choice since there were clear rules);
undressing was part of this routine as it showed we accepted
the punishment willingly;
4. Following the punishment, as you stress, they made sure we
understood they loved us, but then we also had to spend some
time alone having to think about the punishment
5. There was always a "post mortem": since it was usually my
mother who punished us she felt it was important to share it
primarily with my father and the whole family. This gave my
father a chance to participate actively on a day-to-day basis
in how we were disciplined and observe how we behaved
intervening as necessary. Sometimes he told he would warn us
that he would have to punish us more severely if we kept up
behaving like we did. These moments could be very embarrassing
as they would occur no matter who would be at the table such
as friends, other family etc. However, the embarrassment was
part of their disciplinary method.
It has already been suggested to share some of the rules and
occasions when spanking is deemed necessary. Our rules consisted
of three sections:
(i) Responsibilities (school work, need to help in the household,
(ii) Values and behavioural rules such as being respectful, not
to lie, etc. and finally
(iii) House rules including daily routine (both during school
and vacations separately), what time we had to be home, routine
of homework, chores, how often we were allowed to watch television,
going out, bedtime etc.
The consequences were also clearly categorized in four levels:
1. Minor offences, such as coming home more than 15 minutes late,
not doing a chore, not following the daily routine etc
2. Offences such as repeating offences under point (1) during
the same week, not doing homework, not following other house
3. Being disrespectful (e.g. swearing), disobeying our parents,
getting into fights, warnings from school, in general not
fulfilling our responsibilities, i.e. getting bad grades, or
repeating offences in point (2).
4. In the case of serious offences and offences not covered in
the rules there would be a family conference where the entire
family had to discuss the offence and met out the deserved punishment.
For the first three the degree of punishment was written down
in the Rules. However my father and my mother used slightly
different methods. Typically my mother would punish us for
offences under the first two points as they occurred on a
day-to-day basis and my dad in the more serious, but less
frequent cases. Mother preferred using a switch and gave us
3 strokes for minor offences, 6 strokes for the more serious
ones and a dozen in the last category. Dad spanked us with his
hand until we were 16 and only in rare circumstances used the
switch. Again, he would typically punish us for serious offences
giving us three times as many smacks as our age. The punishment
for the most severe offences could be as much as two-dozen
strokes with a switch or two subsequent spankings.
In the case of a serious offence, such as when I once stole
some miniature soldiers from a friend of the family, which my
father found somewhere, there would be a family conference. We
all had to discuss the wrongdoing and the level of punishment.
In this case it was decided that I had to hand back the soldiers
and apologize to the family, work off the value of the soldiers,
and receive two dozens strokes with a switch. As it happened
he asked the other family to participate in my punishment with
them observing the whole ritual (this was definitely the most
embarrassing moment in my life getting effectively a public
spanking, especially as my Dad would stick to the same routine
making me undress in front of everybody meting out the punishment
on my bare bottom).
In other cases, less severe, they would amend the rules and
punishment would be then given if we committed the same offence
again. The Rules were up-dated regularly to reflect the changing
circumstances and our age but also to avoid any arbitrary situations.
As I mentioned my parents never gave us impromptu punishments.
Both had a clear routine: Mother made us report to her study at
one point in the day. Previously, if there were no switches around,
she would go to the garden and cut one of the hazel or laurel
branches from the bushes. The switch was always lying on her
desk so we could see it when we entered the room. When we were
punished together with my brother he had to go first and I had
to watch (and then he had to wait until I was finished). We
always had to take off our pants and shorts entirely, knee on
a chair standing in front of her desk and the bend over the
desk where she had prepared a pillow. Although my mother is
fairly small and weak she used the switch very effectively.
She also made us count the smacks loudly no matter how much it
hurt and taking as much time as necessary. In a way, I always
preferred the switch to the spankings from my father. I really
believe you should consider changing your recommendations on that
subject. Using the switch in moderation and if well placed means
that the pain at the time of punishment is maximized (the impact
is really the most terrible moment I can recall), and although
you could see the welts for two three days, the pain recedes
very quickly. I agree that there is a lack of personal contact
but that can be compensated for both before and after the spanking,
which is more important. I can assure you that I did not care
about personal contact when I was lying across my father's lap.
My father would administer the spankings after our evening baths
so that we would already be undressed. He would then come into
our room and talk to us first and then making us lie across his
left lap with the rest of the body over the bed. He might hold
our legs with his right leg but really, he would not tolerate
any resistance, even winging. If we were crying and winging
during the spanking he would pause until we regained our
composure. Then he told us to accept the spanking readily
lying calmly on his lap. This ensured that he would land his
slaps exactly at the right place. These spankings hurt a lot
and I remember feeling the pain for several days.
In either case, the routine was essentially the same: we had to
accept the punishment willingly - having to undress was part
of that procedure -, we would talk about why we got punished
and accept it. Every single time they asked us whether we were
fully agreeing with the need to be spanked and that they
stressed they loved us. Following the spanking they both
embraced us and we could sit with them as long as we wanted.
Once we received the spanking it was also clear that we had
"paid" the consequences but we did have to discuss the whole
incident again at dinner or the next day at breakfast with the
whole family, so that we learned the lesson.
As to the age issue, my parents believed that spanking only
helped if we fully understood why we got punished and thus
learnt that there were serious consequences in life. Before
that, having talked to them about their methods, they said it
was purely a way of training us as small children and hence,
not very rationale. They also believed strongly in the rules,
especially with respect to values and the respectful behaviour
demanded from us. Therefore they believed that the need to
spank us only increased the older we got since then we really
should have known better. Naturally they kept spanking us both
until we were off to college. However, spankings were very
infrequent because they only became necessary when we committed
serious offences or disobeyed my parents or something similar.
In these situations it was usually my father administering the
punishment. After we were older than 16 he also resorted to
using a thick switch so that we would seriously feel the
spanking. Otherwise the routine implemented earlier remained
the same. The very last spanking I received was during my first
break from college and after a bad fight with my father. This
time my mother thought me a lesson I never forgot and I am still
thankful for that because nobody should be that disrespectful
to his or her father.
There was never a question about getting the spanking on the
bare bottom no matter how old we were. For my parents it was
clear, as they told me later, it was the most efficient way to
spank us but also that they needed to see the impact ensuring
that it was safe. But it also meant it was an expression of
close familiarity and trust having to accept a punishment on
the bare bottoms and for us it was more embarrassing as it
made us aware of our position as children (even as teenagers).
As a parent I am not sure I will follow the same rules, and also
I believe there are more instances when other methods can be
used to discipline the children. However, I do agree with my
parent's philosophy and believe kids need clear rules and
guidelines as well as they need to learn that there will be
serious consequences for wrongdoings. When it becomes necessary
to spank children they need to understand exactly why. Having
clear rules only helps. In addition, developing a punishment
ritual is important because it enforces the need to accept
authority, while at the same time it is clear what happens
instead of having arbitrary situations.
In a way we already have started to implement rules that are
clear to my children. They know more or less what they are
allowed to do and what there limits are. They also know that
if they do something on purpose they are not supposed to they
will get punished. We have already discussed with my wife to
create more formal rules and also discuss the relevant
punishments. We both believe there is a need for a certain
amount of discipline and the best way to enforce this is often
a spanking. A spanking is ideal, because it creates a very clear
situation where the children have to accept fully your authority
and the consequence is very clear and painful. However,
importantly the pain is not long lasting and thereafter both
sides know that there has been a resolution.
(In another mail dated June 26, 2003:)
As you correctly assume the method described would not be right for pre-teen
children. According to my parents it was a very deliberate and conscious
effort to teach us a set of rules and values and at the same time make us
understand that we had to face consequences in life for not adhering to the
rules. Thus, it was very important that we understood both of these elements
Before these set of Rules were introduced my parents resorted once in a
while to spanking us but I would say for different reasons. It was more the
traditional way to discipline us, setting and enforcing borders, ensure we
behaved correctly and as a reaction if we put ourselves in danger.
As far as I remember even then they had some specific habits when we were
spanked but these were less obvious for us. The main concern was that
punishments were never given in anger. Also, when we were smaller they never
used any implements and my Mom or Dad took more direct control in how they
spanked us rather than have us follow a routine: they usually took us by the
arm and put us over their lap on our beds or the couch. They always bared
our bottoms first taking off our trousers and underwear. Later, at least
when I was a bit older, maybe 5-6 years old, I had to knee down where my
parents would sit and undo my trousers before they put me over their knee so
it would be easier for them to take off the clothes and finally pulled our
shirts up. I also remember that these spankings were quite formal and slow.
There was a pause between each spank and they would often rest their hands
but I am not aware of any rules they might have had for themselves.
Depending on the severity, it must have been about a dozen spanks sometimes
more. After the spanking we had to get up and usually spend approximately
ten minutes on our knees before we were allowed to put on our clothes again.
And again, as it was later, if it was my Mom who spanked us during the day,
we had tell my father about our offence and show him our bare bottom when he
Now that I write this down, I realize there was a bit more of a routine even
at that age then I thought and in a similar manner, they made sure we knew
why we had been punished while ensuring that the whole family was involved
in the process. The latter was realized as most of the spankings happened in
front of the rest of the family and if my father was not present we had to
tell him later. All the great events of the day had to be shared during
dinner with the whole family, but this also included punishments (when and
if they occurred). There was always a big weight on sharing all of the
experiences with the whole family. Having to talk about being punished
ensured that there was nothing hidden about punishments but it was a normal
part of growing up.
Reflecting on this it is clear that my parents were very strict but at the
end of the day having had very clear rules helped us in our development and
imprtantly, to respect our parents and learn the importance of values. But
even more importantly we had a great family and punishments were just a
minor part of our childhood. Given the clarity of how we had to behave,
there was not the slightest grudge we felt against my parents because we
knew that they loved us and if they had to punish us it was for very
Subject: Advice please?
Date: Mon, 16 Jun 2003
(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special
Hello! First of all, thank you for your wonderful website. I'm
a 16-year-old girl named Mia, and I have a problem, so I'm
writing for advice.
I live with my older brother, W(...),
and my older sister, F(...),
because our parents are gone. I want either or both of
them to start spanking me when I screw up. There is no dicipline
in my house. I get that they're both young- early twenties- but
I have some problems, like with drinking and stuff, that I
can't seem to shake. But I don't really know how to ask them.
What should I do?
You can leave my name & email address here, so I can also hear
from others with advice for me, or others with this problem.
Subject: (no subject)
Date: Mon, 16 Jun 2003
My husband wrote to you in Oct. 2002. (Note:
see letter dated Oct 28, 2002)
I would like to add to it that I was one of the neighbors that
was allowed to watch. He was made to stand nude in front of
every one. When he was about 15 he started to get excited by
being on display. When we decide to start dating it was still
going on, and when we decided to get married I asked for it
to stop. His mother still did it, and now as an adult of 57
he still gets aroused by people looking at him. SO we have
had some hard times. There are rules about him and who and
how he can show himself. I do not think the way it was handled
when he was a teen was proper. But we cant change that. So
we have to live with what has happened. When he was made to
sit in the corner he was still nude. I think his mother was
sick person, She is still alive and still wants his to be
exposed in front of her.
Please keep my name and email address
out of the story. Thank you for allowing me to vent my anger
at my husbands upbringing.
Subject: freedom to spank
Date: Mon, 16 Jun 2003
I know there are many countries in world that have outlaw
spanking. Attached is a letter as why I think the USA should
never outlaw it.
As we are getting close to the 4th of July I would like to
state I am proud and happy to be an American where we are a
lot freer than many other countries in this world. We are
free to have and voice our opinions, we can speak up against
our government and the laws that we have, we can worship the
God of our choice, and we can spank or not spank our child.
This country was founded on the bases of freedom of speech
and religion. The book of Proverb supports spanking. Many
people spank their children because they believe the Bible
commands them to spank their child when they disobey them.
I know some people spank for other reason too, but for the
USA to outlaw spanking would be going against what our fore
fathers set up over two hundred years ago.
I know when this country was form many people in this country
and other countries spanked their children. This country
and other countries whip their slaves and well as their
prisoners. Slavery should not have never happen in this
country. I know in this country there are people that commit
painful unspeakable acts against other people. Personally,
I don't think I would feel sorry for them if they were bent
over a desk or tied to whipping post and got their bare butt
and legs beaten with a hickory switch, cane or strap. I am
not sure if it would deter other people from committing that
I believe children should only be hit on their behind or a
quick smack of their hand. I think it would be best to only
spank with a hand or wooden paddle. However that many not
be enough to get some children attention. It think with
small children sometimes it does not have to be painful to
get them to obey, but with older children it should be painful,
but yet fair. For the most part I don't believe in bare-butt
spanking. However I did read a story about a woman who told
her six-year-old daughter she must wear panties under her
dress while she was playing outside with her friends. Well
when her mother found out she disobeyed her, the little girl
was placed over her mom's knee and had her dress pulled up
and was spanked on her bare bottom. I think if the girl was
not modest enough to wear panties which are for her protection
against other things, her mom was right to spank her unprotected
behind. I do believe that parents should not use spanking for
every offense and the most important thing is to let the child
know they will always be loved and once the spanking or other
punishment is over it is time to move on.
Subject: Variation on a theme
Date: Mon, 16 Jun 2003
Firstly, your site is fantastic. I learned things I never knew.
I have a 6 year old son who is the apple of my eye, but like any
6 year old, there are times when his little bottom needs a good
I normally spank him in my room, as I don't want him to associate
his own bedroom with punishment. It's his little haven from the
world and I feel that punishing him in it would violate that space.
I have a futon bed, which is very low to the ground. When A(...)
is naughty enough to deserve a spanking, I use a variation on the
over-the-lap position. I sit on the edge of my bed, on an angle,
facing towards the left. I stretch my left leg straight and extend
my right leg almost all the way out. My right thigh is slightly
elevated. I keep my legs together, the reasons of which will
I pull A(...)'s pants down to his
knees. I find that they act as shackles at this position, making
it difficult for him to kick or slide around. I position him so
his pelvis is supported by my right thigh. His stomach is supported
by my left thigh and his upper body is supported by the bed.
A(...) is comfortable, but as his
bottom is elevated and his arms are on the bed, he cannot clench
and also cannot reach back and cover up.
I hold him firmly with my left arm and spank him with my right
hand. I use the 'layer-cake' method, as I find it is less distressful
for him if I give him intermittent breaks rather than giving it
to him all at once. During the breaks I rest my right hand on his
bottom and talk to him in a calm voice. Although I believe in
spanking, I do not believe in yelling at children.
After I think he's had enough, I let him lay there and cry it out.
I normally rub his bottom a little before giving him a couple of
light pats to signal it's time to get up. I pull his pants back
up and then let him sit on my right thigh while I hug him.
After he stops crying, I look at him and smile and ask if he's
okay. He always says yes and usually follows that up with an
apology, which I reply with a hug and a kiss on the forehead,
telling him that it's okay.
A(...) usually likes to be alone for
a few moments after the spanking is over so he can compose himself.
I let him stay in my room until he's ready to re-join society,
which I make it clear he is free to do whenever he likes.
The main point I wanted to make with this email is the position
that I use. I guess it's a bit of a hybrid between the classic
OTK, with a bit of sideways-reversal with a half pike and a triple
twist, but I find it's highly effective.
Keep up the good work on your site. It's about time someone
educated parents who choose to spank on a safe way of doing it.
So often I hear cases of parents going overboard, and of course
the anti-spanking bandwagon uses those cases as an arguement for
outlawing it completely. They've tried to do that here in Australia
Now, we've come to a pretty good compromise. Corporal punishment
was outlawed here in 1995, although it hadn't really been employed
since about 1988 when schools started phasing it out of there own
accord. The parental right to spank has always been maintained,
but there are laws, and very good ones, in place that protect
children while still preserving our rights as parents to discipline
Under New South Wales (the State I live in) law, you can only smack
with an open hand on the area defined as the buttocks, which is
pretty well represented in your site's diagram. Although bare
bottom spanking is still a point of contention here, most agree
that is is acceptable provided it is done in private. That is,
the spanker and the spankee in the room, no-one else.
Once again, thankyou for the information on your site and keep up
the good work.
Subject: You have a good site.
Date: Fri, 13 Jun 2003
My name is D(...), and I'm 15 years
old. I heard about your web site from my cousin, whose a year
younger than me. I think your site is really good, because it
tells parents who may not know how to spank their kids without
abusing them, especially if they were abused themselves and may
not know any other way.
I wanted to tell you about how I get spanked, because I think you
should put it on the Teenagers section as a good way for parents
to spank their teenage kids without abusing them or being too
If I break any rules, like come home late or mess up at school,
that evening I sit with my parents, and talk about what I did
and how to help me not do it again. If its something like failing
a test then I usually get grounded, which also gives me more time
to study so I can work to bring my grades up, and if its breaking
a rule on purpose like curfew then I usually get spanked. Also,
a spanking is over quickly, and I can meet with friends and stuff
and aren't stuck at home like when I'm grounded.
If I'm going to get spanked, then we go to the living room. My
parents leave, and I have 10 minutes of "alone time" to get ready.
The living room has doors, so all off them are closed and I have
the room to myself, and I can do whatever I want in it for those
ten minutes, but at the end of them I have to be ready for my
spanking. I have to move the table away from the couch and put
the chair next to it for Mom or Dad to sit on. When the alone
time is done I have to be lying flat on the couch with my pants
and underpants off and a pillow under my crotch. During the time,
Mom and Dad decide who will spank me, and how many. Once the time
is up one of them comes in, sits down on the chair I put next to
me, and I get my spanking. It hurts, but not too much. Mostly, I
cry because I regret what I did, and I know I disappointed my
parents. Still, the spanks are slow and hard so towards the end
I cry because it hurts too. Once the spanking is over then they
leave, and I have another 10 minutes of time to myself. I usually
spend it crying and rubbing a bit, and I also have to put the
living room back the way it usually is. Then I go out, and they
hug me and tell me they love me, and we talk again about why I
I know not many kids my age get spanked, but I think that maybe
they should, because there are kids who go out and shoplift and
stuff just for fun and their parents don't do anything about it.
Now I get spanked very rarely, and almost always if I'm spanked
for something I never do it again. I think if kids act in ways
that deserve a spanking then they're not too old to spank.
You have a very good site - keep up the good work!
Subject: Re: reader response
Date: Fri, 13 Jun 2003
I think that there has been, traditionally within families, a
fair amount of openness about spanking. In and of itself, the
openness may have created a protection for children that is, today,
so warped out of shape by professional child advocates as to be a
parody. Fear has replace honesty. Suspicion has throttled discussion.
Below are two examples of how the world has changed.
In a neighborhood whose families produced - among other things -
two doctors, a nurse, a career Air Force pilot and an Air Force
NCO, a two engineers, a Ph. D. in education and a school teacher,
a college instructor, a bank robber, and a mental case, I could
tell you where, when, and how most kids got spanked - and all were
spanked except the mental case (whom I mentioned in a previous
e-mail). The bank robber was a stepchild who was rejected by his
step-father and beat into criminality. Today, I am not even sure
which kids belong to which parents on a full-time basis!
In a day when a letter from a senior English teacher carried more
weight with a college admissions committee than an SAT score, I can
remember a high school psychology class in which spanking - as a
fact of life - was discussed. I am not sure such a discussion
would be possible today among the children of doctors, lawyers, and
engineers seated in the shadow of a university and a medical school.
What your website has done is allowed the discussion to proceed by
providing a level of anonymity that gives people a comfort level
that they might not otherwise have in a polarized political environment.
Barring some unfortunate historical event, it is possible that more
personal dialogue may not come about until the current generation of
aging radicals, in search of a cause that changes the world, passes
from the scene. From what I can tell, they seem to be the ones
keeping things stirred up.
Date: Sun, 8 Jun 2003
I save animals from the same thing human children need saved
from--abuse. There is no natural instinct in spanking. We do it
because we need a vent for our anger. I know that supressed anger
coming out can result in spanking, then abuse, then murder. Abuse
and neglect make that rock and roll music that parents find
replusive and innappropriate. Those musicians suffered it, and
now they hate their parents, the people who thought like you do.
Whatever the case, when I was pregnant a year ago, even I was
convinced spanking was okay. I thought a little harder after I
miscarried. I opened my eyes. I researched. What I found horrified
me. I suppose no spankers are vegetarians, and I suppose many
animals suffer from being hit by their owners.
Wait. Animals DO suffer. One dog comes to mind, particularly.
Actually, a good million do. I'm not blind. I work at a dog
rescue. I see dogs cower until someone shows them they are
loved, that they won't get hit. I met a woman who took in a dog
herself because he was unadoptable through her rescue. He was a
chow chow, and he growled and hid if you barely raised your hand
to talk. I know people who have kids that spank them, and you
know what? Those kids just misbehave more, and do nothing but scream.
Animals are key guiders. Because they have their instincts, they
show us what's appropriate and not. Never in my life have I seen
an animal spank its offspring. I was a devil myself until my
parents stopped spanking me. My mother regrets it. What you
describe is perverse and unnecessary. I know because I watch two
sides of everything. And what I observe is that kids do better
if their parents participate lovingly in their lives. I don't
know what you think spanking is going to solve. It's nothing but
relief and ventalation of anger for the parents. I think that
some people are crazy non-spankers because they think, "Oh!
You can't hit a child. You hug them and give them candy." I've
seen it. Don't praise your kids for everything. My dog was going
on walks, and when I told her to stop at the street, she got a
treat. But not everytime. Now I don't bring the treats on walks.
My dog is my child. If I was told to pick between my children
and my pets, I'd say, "What's the difference?" I was told my
rabbit was spoiled because he got more than alphalfa and hay.
He gets a balanced diet, and he's one of the only rabbits that
has good teeth. My rabbit is not spoiled, he's only treated
correctly. He doesn't like taking his antibiotic pills for the
cut on his foot, but do I let him go? We try to calm him down,
but if he gets nasty, we just ignore his attitude. He doesn't bite.
I have many animals, all very healthy (except for a lizard, he's
thin because he wouldn't leave the hidebox to eat and crickets
don't exactly jump in for him). We had to take the hidebox away
because it was made for the female and he was snapping at her
when she needed in to lay her eggs. It's complicated. But I don't
spoil my animals, I only give them what they deserve. My dog
loves carrots. She used to steal the rabbit's carrots, but we'd
take it away, throw it away, and give them both a fresh one. I
mean, I wasn't going to be mad at her!
You people are unreasonable. I don't have to think twice about
my decision. It's the right one. I have also made the decision
to wait a few years until my life has settled down before I give
birth to ONE child. I might have two, but that's my limit. I
intend to take them to see the animals at my refuge, and their
whole lives are going to be with animals. I'm not going to give
them candy or ice cream, they can't get all that junk except for
occasional treats. They are going to private schools. They can
listen to whatever music they please. I'll provide birth control
and condoms if they feel the need to have sex. I know what it's
like. I got pregnant, and I fear STDs. I was 16 when I was
pregnant. I wanted to be a mother. Now, I'm 18 and I want to go
threw my last year of high school, an alternative school with
teachers that are kind and loving. None of them ignore me or yell
or are rude. I have the most respect for calm, wonderful teachers.
I would have dropped out with the verbal abuse I recieved at a
public school. I'm sending my kids to smaller, private schools.
I want to give them every moment of my time they ask. I am going
to own a refuge, so I can let them come to work with me. It's good
education for them to observe animals. I'm going to college for
4 years, two at a community college nearby, and the other two
years threw the Exotic Animal Training and Management at Moorpark
in Cali. I'm one of the hardest working people in my family. I
was a devil back in 7th grade, when my mother popped me in the
mouth for something. She backed off, and everything I've ever
learned in my life was learned on my own. I wouldn't be able to
stand on my own if they hadn't let me learn mistakes on my own.
With a few respectable boundaries, I learned that I didn't want
to smoke cigarettes. My family has generations of smokers. I
have also learned that I can work on my own, because my mother
has backed off and trusted me with my own life. I know I used to
think I wanted fame and fortune. Now, I know I want to save
animals, which means a lifetime of poverty. Owning a refuge isn't
going to be easy. I'm also a writer. I can do what I want with
my life. I'm in charge, but not because someone spanked me. It's
because I was allowed to make decisions, and I learned from my
own mistakes. No one told me anything, and if they did, I got
defiant and tried to kill myself. I was depressed. I feel good
about my life now. I happen to be one of the most kind people
others have met. Just because you might be older doesn't mean
you know better. An adult learns more from children and animals.
Trust me. I know.
Date: Sat, 7 Jun 2003
(Note: for background, read this sender's mail dated May 20, 2003)
Dear Spank with love
Yesterday me and Mrs. P(...)
(my friends mom) talked to my parents she
explained to them my talking to her and discovering spanking and how I
thought it would help my behavior and school improve. She also explained
how well it worked with her son. My parents where surprised and asked if I
really thought this would help me improve my behavior and school marks and
I said yes.
My parents said that it would be a nice surprise if it worked
and agreed to it but said they didnít know how exactly to spank and punish,
but Mrs. P said she would show them everything they needed to know. So
then we began writing out a list of rules and chores and the consequences
if broken which I will send to you one they are completed. My parents
decided to basically punish me in the same way Mrs. P punishes her kids,
because they respect her and just love her son so they thought this would
be the best.
Once the contract and list etc are complete I will send them
to you but here is the just of what was agreed upon. The hairbrush and
cane will be used, I know you are against this but my parents said they
trusted Mrs. P so thatís what would be used in addition to spanking corner
time, extra chores and loss of privileges may be used as well. All
spanking will be bare bottom in my room with both parents present.
While we were looking on your website we found 2 things which we decided to
use and Mrs. P decided use with her kids from now on, the punishment
journal and the layered cake method both of which my parents and Mrs. P
liked. Anyways thatís about it hope to her your thoughts/opinions soon.
Subject: The End of the Story
Date: Thu, 5 Jun 2003
(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request)
Dear Spank With Love,
A week or so ago, I wrote you about how I felt I needed a spanking.
Well, just last night I was late getting home (as I have been three
nights in a row) and I back talked. After the arguement was over my
parents asked what they thought we be an appropraite punishment. I
told them about your website, and showed them what it said about
spanking in the Bible.
My dad then took me back to my bedroom and turned me over his knee
for a spanking I would never forget. I cried like a little kid, but
he wasn't done. After the hand spanking he took off his belt and gave
me a spanking with his belt. I'll never be late again. It sure hurts
to sit down at this computer!
After the spanking my parents and I hugged. It was beautiful. I am
going to be spending the summer at my grandparents, and my grampa has
been instructed that if I ever disobey to take me to the shed for a
strapping. He said over the phone that he would give me one on the
first night I'm thier, just so I understand what will happen if I
back talk or something.
Is this fair? Please post my letter. Leave my name hidden, but
reveal my E-mail. I want to try and convince parents who aren't sure
weither to spank or not with my story. Thank you spank with love, our
family relationship has greatly improved.
Date: Tue, 3 Jun 2003
I'm from Finland, I'm 15 years old and I speak english not so good...
I read your pages and I was shocked... this is crazy!! Lucky I live in Finland
and physical discipline have forbidden!!
I have never been spanked and I'm resbonsible and respectable teen...!!
someones people enjoy when they read thing of spanking... and watch imagines!!
You order people to hitting their children...
I just say my opinion, but I hope that you could publish this message too..
Subject: How can I convince my dad to spank me
Date: Sun, 01 Jun 2003
(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request)
All exp teenage spankers your advice is more than welcome and much
appreciated. I am Mike and I am 14 years old. My dad has spanked me
only three times in my life. He just gives senseless punishments.
I have problems with cursing, treating old people like ants on the
ground, pushing people over on public transport, and acting horribly
in front of people. I think a good spanking would straighten me out.
Your site has been inspirational.
I just would like to know how I should approach my father.
Should I call a spanking a "spanking" (kind of sisyish)?
Should I give it a trial for two or three months?
What would be the best way of doing a spanking for a 14 so that it
would look right?
How should the spanking be administered?
(in a follow-up mail)
Hi thanks for the website. But I don't think that it applies to me
that strongly to be truthful. I'm not bullied. I'm a jock, but I am
short. I doubt that it makes any difference. Let me give you a little
more backround info. My mom is dead. I'm on the JV soccer, V swimming,
and I'm on the spring track team. I could probably kick half of the
kids in my schools ass even though im just goign into sophmore year
next year. Can bench 220. Half a fufilled life with a beautiful
girlfriend. My dad is there to talk to me a lot of the time, and my
grandmother is always there. I just think that a 2 month -5 month
trial could help out a lot. My bad points are that I curse, come
home late, disrepsect elderly, and talk back to my dad. Can you give
me the low down on an "Idiots Guide" from start to finish on how to
talk to my dad about spanking.
Send your feedback to email@example.com
Last update: Jul-09-2003