Reader's feedback, Jun 2003

Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...) indicate deleted portions.

Some people request non-anonymization to allow other readers to send them feedback. If you want to reply to these people, please send your reply to the email address in the header of their mail, not to Thanks!

Subject: (none)
Date:    Sun, 22 Jun 2003

(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request)

Hello, I am a 16 year old girl. When I was younger, my parents used to spank me on my bare bottom with their hand. This form of punishment always seemed to work well for me. I can still remember the comfort that I felt whenever my parents would spank me, because it let me know that they loved me and cared about me. They stopped spanking me when I was about 7 though. Ever since then, I've been a pretty good girl. I have always gotten good grades in school, and I've stayed out of trouble, until now. About 4 months ago, I lost my virginity to my boy friend, and my parents found out. They asked me what I thought was an appropiate punishment, and I mentioned your site. We came to an agreement that my dad would spank, bare bottom, with his hand. I was very pleased, since I felt that I needed a good, hard, spanking. After my dad gave me the hard and long spanking, I felt much better. Although I didn't cry, it hurt a lot. A couple of days later, I decided to sneak out in the middle of the night to go out with my boyfriend. Unfortunatly, my parents found out. They gave me another, harder, spanking. Again, for some reason, I did not cry. The spanking seemed to help me a lot. For the next couple months, I was staying away from my boyfriend, and I was staying out of trouble. Then, last week, I skipped school so that I could be with him. The school found out and called my parents. They were really mad, so they decided to try the "Layered Cake" method. My dad spanked me, and then talked to me, spanked me, and then talked to me many times. After all the "layers" were finished, he ended with a really hard spanking to make me cry, like your website suggested. For some reason though, I didn't cry. I don't know why, but I just didn't. The next day, my dad had to leave on a business trip that would last a week. He told me that whenever he gets home he's going to use his belt until I ball like a baby. I'm really scared because I have heard that a belt hurts terribly. I don't know what to do. My parents think that because I didn't cry, I didn't learn my lesson. But they're wrong! The spankings DID hurt, and I definitly DID learned my lesson! If you have any suggestions on what I should do, please write back. Thanks!

Sincerely, Elizabeth

(In another mail dated July 2, 2003:)

Dear Spank With Love,

Thanks so much for responding to my letter that I sent you! I really appreciate it! I showed your e-mail to my dad and it almost brought him to tears. He told me that he felt so sorry for threatening me with his belt, and that he should have never even thought of such a thing. I talked with my parents, and we agreed that we no longer wanted to use the "Layer Cake" method, because we don't completely agree with it's directions. Although it may work for some kids, it doesn't however, work well for me. We came to the decision that I will only be spanked for certain offenses (ex. being around my boyfriend, getting a C or lower on tests, etc.) I've decided to break up with my boyfriend because my parents don't approve of us being together at all. As much as I love him, it's definitely not worth being spanked every night over. If I do sneak out with him, I will be spanked very hard with my dad's hand on my bare bottom, and grounded as well.

My parents will also use other forms of punishment for other things such as grounding, loss of privileges, and extra chores, but they will NEVER use the belt on me.

I just wanted to say that if any kids don't fully agree with their punishments, I think they should reason with their parents until they both come to a mutual agreement. Also, I don't think ANYONE should belt their kids, it can be very harmful to the child. If you decide to post this on your site, please leave my name and e-mail address available to anyone who would like to talk with me about spanking older children. Thanks a lot for all your helpful advice!

Sincerely, Elizabeth

Subject: Contract
Date:    Sat, 21 Jun 2003

(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request)

Punishment Contract

I Adam Montrose hereby agree to accept spankings, from my parents, as my main form of discipline. I will accept all spankings willingly and understand that they are a form of punishment and thus will be fairly unpleasant. My parents understand that all spankings will be administered lovingly and without anger, But also understand that they must carry though with the punishments in the fullest.

All spankings will be administered in my room with both my parents present, on the bared bottom using either the hairbrush or the cane. Punishments will be carried out at 8pm on the evening of the offence committed. All spankings will be administered until I begin to cry heavily and my parents feel that sufficient remorse is shown. The length that my spankings will last is at the sole discretion of my parents. I understand I will be fully informed of when and why I am to be spanked. I may then present a case in defense of my behavior.

The punishments will be carried out in the following manner as agreed upon by my parents and me. Wait in the corner in my room until parents come in, discussion with parents, bring the implement, take down pants and get into position, spanking using the layered cake method as described on the spank with love web site, write punishment journal entry, more corner time, hugged and forgiven then sent to bed.

Signature _____________________________

Parents Signature__________________________________

Well thatís the contract and my parents and I both have a signed copy of it. I will try and get around to sending you the rules we agreed upon in the next little wile. The contract is pretty strict and itís a little more than I thought a punishment would be but my parents just decided to punish me the same way Mrs. P does so I guess Iíll get use to it.

I received my first spanking last week and it certainly wasnít pleasant I came home really late and my parents were very worried so they said that tomorrow I would get my first spanking with the cane they were really worried about me and really angry. So for the entire day I was just sitting around my house worried about the punishment I had coming, I new I deserved it but I was definitely scared. Well at 8 mom came in and put me in the corner, I had to stand there with my hands on my head for what seemed like ages until mom and dad came in. Then they talked to me about how worried they were and that I should have known better well I agreed with them and said I did deserve this punishment. Then I brought in the cane and pulled down my pants, which was kind of embarrassing in front of my parents but bare was what we agreed upon, then my mom put some pillows on the bead and told me to lye down across them. Well then she asked me if I was ready and began spanking it hurt like hell I was really crying after a couple of stokes then she stopped and they both lectured me some more like they layered cake method. Well then dad took the cane and began spanking me which really hurt I was crying quite heavily then they stopped and talked some more and each delivered one more stroke. Well after I had calmed down I had to write my punishment journal entry then I was put in the corner again for a bit, then my parents came in again and hugged me kissed me etc then I went to bed. Well that was a horrible experience and I definitely wont be coming home late anytime soon so I guess its working anyways I will try and keep you updated well. Thanks for reading and I look forward to haring from you.

Adam M

Oh by the way you can post my name and e-mail I donít mind neither does Mrs. P or Jeremy.

Subject: Should Kids Cry?
Date:    Fri, 20 Jun 2003

Dear Spank With Love,

I am a 14 year old girl who was spanked very rarely as a toddler. I can remember being spanked lightly and not often. I think that your website is great though. After searching the internet, I came to the conclusion that your site best describes the pro's and con's of spanking. I'm not exactly sure if I support spanking children or not. I just have one question... When someone is spanking a child, should the spanker continue smacking the kid until he or she cries?

I have read many contradicting information on this topic. I understand that you believe that a child shouln't be spanked more than like 3 times. I agree. But when I was reading the "Layer Cake" method, it says that a child should be spanked hard at the end to bring up tears. Some kids however, are tougher than others, and it might take many spanks to make him or her cry. How do you feel on this topic? I would really appriciate hearing back from you. If you do post this e-mail on your site, please keep my e-mail address annonymous. Thanks again!


Subject: Bare bottom or not?
Date:    Wed, 18 Jun 2003

I would like to relay the details of a spanking I received two nights ago to maybe help some people who are questioning how to effectively spank an older person (I am 21).

I was wearing panties and loose fitting cotton shorts. (...) My shorts were pulled up just a bit to completely expose the 'sit spot' on my upper thighs, very lower buttocks. (...) I was then spanked steadily to the same spot until I couldn't take anymore and started to cry. As soon as I reached that point, my spanking was over.

This manner of spanking can easily be applied to parents with older children/teenagers who are worried about making their child undress in front of them or who are not accustomed to seeing their child naked. The 'sit spot' is not covered by underwear (except in the case of boxers) and can easily be exposed without any real nudity. Spankings hurt in that spot the most, so by concentrating the swats to that small area, the spanking can still have its affect yet be over quicker. You can do this by spanking on top of underwear, if you feel comfortable lowering your child's pants, or by pulling loose fitting shorts or skirts up just enough to see almost to the pantyline. You can also spank a girl on top of her swimsuit if the bottoms have the same cut as panties. If she wears it to the beach and lets everyone see it, she can't be embarrassed about you seeing it, can she?

Hope this helps.

Subject: another spanking story
Date:    Tue, 17 Jun 2003

Hello, I am a 31 year old single dad with two beautiful daughters. We are very much into a church lifestyle and the children are attending Christian school. My youngest is four years old and attends pre-school and her sister is 6 years old and will be going into first grade soon. My daughters are very well behaved for the most part, but they do get their spankings. I have never thought that spanking a child was wrong, as I was brought up in Christian school and church and was spanked in school although rarely at home. My daughters are spanked bare bottomed. I know alot of people do not agree that this is a correct way to spank a child, but I would rather spank them this way which really doesn't hurt them with any lasting effects since you are only slapping bare skin.. whereas spanking them with a paddle could leave bruising. My daughters don't like the spankings and I don't think any child does, but my daughters and I are close and they love me. After a spanking I make it a ritual that we go and do something special together, like the other day we went out to their favorite ice cream parlor. It is my way of telling them that although daddy had to spank you, he still loves you. It works, try it!! I know eventually once the girls are older I will be switching to a paddle as their primary form of discipline, but now I just feel like they are responding well to their spankings as they are and it isn't leaving bruises on them as I fear paddling will.

Subject: Contribution
Date:    Tue, 17 Jun 2003

Please find attached a letter providing my own experience with spanking and some background on the rules my parents used. I would be interested in feedback but would prefer not to share my email. However, if you have any comments or would like to forward a specific feed-back addressed to me I happy to share my email in these specific circumstances. Otherwise please feel free to use the letter as you wish.

Dear Spanking With Love

I am a father of two boys, 6 and 8 years old. I have spanked the older one twice both in cases of where he put himself in danger or his brother and only after having warned him precisely about the consequences. Although my parents were extremely strict and used to spank me regularly (mostly my mother) I feel uncertain about when and how to spank, even in rare circumstances. It is the worst feeling to hurt your children and thus, it is important that you know exactly why they are getting punished. It also helps therefore to follow some steps and rules as this web site suggests very well. Having thought about the way my parents raised my brother and me it might be helpful to share this experience with others. My parents had very strict rules (thus not necessarily applicable to others, not even my own family) but the principles might be worthwhile considering. These rules were implemented when I was 10, at which age they considered I fully understood these rules and consequences. Until then, both my brother and I got spanked on the bare bottom but rather occasionally and mostly in instances of persistent bad behaviour or when putting ourselves in danger. These rules remained in force with regular modifications as long as we lived at home.

Their disciplinary approach had some major elements:

1. Clear rules and consequences meant that we understood exactly when and why and how we would be punished

2. Punishments were administered fairly swiftly but only after a "cooling off" period

3. There was a clear routine for the punishment which meant that we knew exactly what would happen, we learnt to accept the parental authority and the punishment without resisting and there was a sense of inevitability to it; we were never spanked before we accepted the need to get punished and agreed to it (to which we had no choice since there were clear rules); undressing was part of this routine as it showed we accepted the punishment willingly;

4. Following the punishment, as you stress, they made sure we understood they loved us, but then we also had to spend some time alone having to think about the punishment

5. There was always a "post mortem": since it was usually my mother who punished us she felt it was important to share it primarily with my father and the whole family. This gave my father a chance to participate actively on a day-to-day basis in how we were disciplined and observe how we behaved intervening as necessary. Sometimes he told he would warn us that he would have to punish us more severely if we kept up behaving like we did. These moments could be very embarrassing as they would occur no matter who would be at the table such as friends, other family etc. However, the embarrassment was part of their disciplinary method.

The Rules

It has already been suggested to share some of the rules and occasions when spanking is deemed necessary. Our rules consisted of three sections:

(i) Responsibilities (school work, need to help in the household, chores, etc.)

(ii) Values and behavioural rules such as being respectful, not to lie, etc. and finally

(iii) House rules including daily routine (both during school and vacations separately), what time we had to be home, routine of homework, chores, how often we were allowed to watch television, going out, bedtime etc.

The consequences were also clearly categorized in four levels:

1. Minor offences, such as coming home more than 15 minutes late, not doing a chore, not following the daily routine etc

2. Offences such as repeating offences under point (1) during the same week, not doing homework, not following other house rules etc.

3. Being disrespectful (e.g. swearing), disobeying our parents, getting into fights, warnings from school, in general not fulfilling our responsibilities, i.e. getting bad grades, or repeating offences in point (2).

4. In the case of serious offences and offences not covered in the rules there would be a family conference where the entire family had to discuss the offence and met out the deserved punishment.

For the first three the degree of punishment was written down in the Rules. However my father and my mother used slightly different methods. Typically my mother would punish us for offences under the first two points as they occurred on a day-to-day basis and my dad in the more serious, but less frequent cases. Mother preferred using a switch and gave us 3 strokes for minor offences, 6 strokes for the more serious ones and a dozen in the last category. Dad spanked us with his hand until we were 16 and only in rare circumstances used the switch. Again, he would typically punish us for serious offences giving us three times as many smacks as our age. The punishment for the most severe offences could be as much as two-dozen strokes with a switch or two subsequent spankings.

In the case of a serious offence, such as when I once stole some miniature soldiers from a friend of the family, which my father found somewhere, there would be a family conference. We all had to discuss the wrongdoing and the level of punishment. In this case it was decided that I had to hand back the soldiers and apologize to the family, work off the value of the soldiers, and receive two dozens strokes with a switch. As it happened he asked the other family to participate in my punishment with them observing the whole ritual (this was definitely the most embarrassing moment in my life getting effectively a public spanking, especially as my Dad would stick to the same routine making me undress in front of everybody meting out the punishment on my bare bottom).

In other cases, less severe, they would amend the rules and punishment would be then given if we committed the same offence again. The Rules were up-dated regularly to reflect the changing circumstances and our age but also to avoid any arbitrary situations.

As I mentioned my parents never gave us impromptu punishments. Both had a clear routine: Mother made us report to her study at one point in the day. Previously, if there were no switches around, she would go to the garden and cut one of the hazel or laurel branches from the bushes. The switch was always lying on her desk so we could see it when we entered the room. When we were punished together with my brother he had to go first and I had to watch (and then he had to wait until I was finished). We always had to take off our pants and shorts entirely, knee on a chair standing in front of her desk and the bend over the desk where she had prepared a pillow. Although my mother is fairly small and weak she used the switch very effectively. She also made us count the smacks loudly no matter how much it hurt and taking as much time as necessary. In a way, I always preferred the switch to the spankings from my father. I really believe you should consider changing your recommendations on that subject. Using the switch in moderation and if well placed means that the pain at the time of punishment is maximized (the impact is really the most terrible moment I can recall), and although you could see the welts for two three days, the pain recedes very quickly. I agree that there is a lack of personal contact but that can be compensated for both before and after the spanking, which is more important. I can assure you that I did not care about personal contact when I was lying across my father's lap.

My father would administer the spankings after our evening baths so that we would already be undressed. He would then come into our room and talk to us first and then making us lie across his left lap with the rest of the body over the bed. He might hold our legs with his right leg but really, he would not tolerate any resistance, even winging. If we were crying and winging during the spanking he would pause until we regained our composure. Then he told us to accept the spanking readily lying calmly on his lap. This ensured that he would land his slaps exactly at the right place. These spankings hurt a lot and I remember feeling the pain for several days.

In either case, the routine was essentially the same: we had to accept the punishment willingly - having to undress was part of that procedure -, we would talk about why we got punished and accept it. Every single time they asked us whether we were fully agreeing with the need to be spanked and that they stressed they loved us. Following the spanking they both embraced us and we could sit with them as long as we wanted. Once we received the spanking it was also clear that we had "paid" the consequences but we did have to discuss the whole incident again at dinner or the next day at breakfast with the whole family, so that we learned the lesson.

As to the age issue, my parents believed that spanking only helped if we fully understood why we got punished and thus learnt that there were serious consequences in life. Before that, having talked to them about their methods, they said it was purely a way of training us as small children and hence, not very rationale. They also believed strongly in the rules, especially with respect to values and the respectful behaviour demanded from us. Therefore they believed that the need to spank us only increased the older we got since then we really should have known better. Naturally they kept spanking us both until we were off to college. However, spankings were very infrequent because they only became necessary when we committed serious offences or disobeyed my parents or something similar. In these situations it was usually my father administering the punishment. After we were older than 16 he also resorted to using a thick switch so that we would seriously feel the spanking. Otherwise the routine implemented earlier remained the same. The very last spanking I received was during my first break from college and after a bad fight with my father. This time my mother thought me a lesson I never forgot and I am still thankful for that because nobody should be that disrespectful to his or her father.

There was never a question about getting the spanking on the bare bottom no matter how old we were. For my parents it was clear, as they told me later, it was the most efficient way to spank us but also that they needed to see the impact ensuring that it was safe. But it also meant it was an expression of close familiarity and trust having to accept a punishment on the bare bottoms and for us it was more embarrassing as it made us aware of our position as children (even as teenagers).

As a parent I am not sure I will follow the same rules, and also I believe there are more instances when other methods can be used to discipline the children. However, I do agree with my parent's philosophy and believe kids need clear rules and guidelines as well as they need to learn that there will be serious consequences for wrongdoings. When it becomes necessary to spank children they need to understand exactly why. Having clear rules only helps. In addition, developing a punishment ritual is important because it enforces the need to accept authority, while at the same time it is clear what happens instead of having arbitrary situations.

In a way we already have started to implement rules that are clear to my children. They know more or less what they are allowed to do and what there limits are. They also know that if they do something on purpose they are not supposed to they will get punished. We have already discussed with my wife to create more formal rules and also discuss the relevant punishments. We both believe there is a need for a certain amount of discipline and the best way to enforce this is often a spanking. A spanking is ideal, because it creates a very clear situation where the children have to accept fully your authority and the consequence is very clear and painful. However, importantly the pain is not long lasting and thereafter both sides know that there has been a resolution.

(In another mail dated June 26, 2003:)

Dear SWL

As you correctly assume the method described would not be right for pre-teen children. According to my parents it was a very deliberate and conscious effort to teach us a set of rules and values and at the same time make us understand that we had to face consequences in life for not adhering to the rules. Thus, it was very important that we understood both of these elements very well.

Before these set of Rules were introduced my parents resorted once in a while to spanking us but I would say for different reasons. It was more the traditional way to discipline us, setting and enforcing borders, ensure we behaved correctly and as a reaction if we put ourselves in danger.

As far as I remember even then they had some specific habits when we were spanked but these were less obvious for us. The main concern was that punishments were never given in anger. Also, when we were smaller they never used any implements and my Mom or Dad took more direct control in how they spanked us rather than have us follow a routine: they usually took us by the arm and put us over their lap on our beds or the couch. They always bared our bottoms first taking off our trousers and underwear. Later, at least when I was a bit older, maybe 5-6 years old, I had to knee down where my parents would sit and undo my trousers before they put me over their knee so it would be easier for them to take off the clothes and finally pulled our shirts up. I also remember that these spankings were quite formal and slow. There was a pause between each spank and they would often rest their hands but I am not aware of any rules they might have had for themselves. Depending on the severity, it must have been about a dozen spanks sometimes more. After the spanking we had to get up and usually spend approximately ten minutes on our knees before we were allowed to put on our clothes again. And again, as it was later, if it was my Mom who spanked us during the day, we had tell my father about our offence and show him our bare bottom when he came home.

Now that I write this down, I realize there was a bit more of a routine even at that age then I thought and in a similar manner, they made sure we knew why we had been punished while ensuring that the whole family was involved in the process. The latter was realized as most of the spankings happened in front of the rest of the family and if my father was not present we had to tell him later. All the great events of the day had to be shared during dinner with the whole family, but this also included punishments (when and if they occurred). There was always a big weight on sharing all of the experiences with the whole family. Having to talk about being punished ensured that there was nothing hidden about punishments but it was a normal part of growing up.

Reflecting on this it is clear that my parents were very strict but at the end of the day having had very clear rules helped us in our development and imprtantly, to respect our parents and learn the importance of values. But even more importantly we had a great family and punishments were just a minor part of our childhood. Given the clarity of how we had to behave, there was not the slightest grudge we felt against my parents because we knew that they loved us and if they had to punish us it was for very specific reasons.

Subject: Advice please?
Date:    Mon, 16 Jun 2003

(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request)

Dear Everybody.

Hello! First of all, thank you for your wonderful website. I'm a 16-year-old girl named Mia, and I have a problem, so I'm writing for advice.

I live with my older brother, W(...), and my older sister, F(...), because our parents are gone. I want either or both of them to start spanking me when I screw up. There is no dicipline in my house. I get that they're both young- early twenties- but I have some problems, like with drinking and stuff, that I can't seem to shake. But I don't really know how to ask them. What should I do?

You can leave my name & email address here, so I can also hear from others with advice for me, or others with this problem.

Thanks loads.


Subject: (no subject)
Date:    Mon, 16 Jun 2003

My husband wrote to you in Oct. 2002. (Note: see letter dated Oct 28, 2002)

I would like to add to it that I was one of the neighbors that was allowed to watch. He was made to stand nude in front of every one. When he was about 15 he started to get excited by being on display. When we decide to start dating it was still going on, and when we decided to get married I asked for it to stop. His mother still did it, and now as an adult of 57 he still gets aroused by people looking at him. SO we have had some hard times. There are rules about him and who and how he can show himself. I do not think the way it was handled when he was a teen was proper. But we cant change that. So we have to live with what has happened. When he was made to sit in the corner he was still nude. I think his mother was sick person, She is still alive and still wants his to be exposed in front of her.

Please keep my name and email address out of the story. Thank you for allowing me to vent my anger at my husbands upbringing.

Subject: freedom to spank
Date:    Mon, 16 Jun 2003

I know there are many countries in world that have outlaw spanking. Attached is a letter as why I think the USA should never outlaw it.

As we are getting close to the 4th of July I would like to state I am proud and happy to be an American where we are a lot freer than many other countries in this world. We are free to have and voice our opinions, we can speak up against our government and the laws that we have, we can worship the God of our choice, and we can spank or not spank our child.

This country was founded on the bases of freedom of speech and religion. The book of Proverb supports spanking. Many people spank their children because they believe the Bible commands them to spank their child when they disobey them. I know some people spank for other reason too, but for the USA to outlaw spanking would be going against what our fore fathers set up over two hundred years ago.

I know when this country was form many people in this country and other countries spanked their children. This country and other countries whip their slaves and well as their prisoners. Slavery should not have never happen in this country. I know in this country there are people that commit painful unspeakable acts against other people. Personally, I don't think I would feel sorry for them if they were bent over a desk or tied to whipping post and got their bare butt and legs beaten with a hickory switch, cane or strap. I am not sure if it would deter other people from committing that same act.

I believe children should only be hit on their behind or a quick smack of their hand. I think it would be best to only spank with a hand or wooden paddle. However that many not be enough to get some children attention. It think with small children sometimes it does not have to be painful to get them to obey, but with older children it should be painful, but yet fair. For the most part I don't believe in bare-butt spanking. However I did read a story about a woman who told her six-year-old daughter she must wear panties under her dress while she was playing outside with her friends. Well when her mother found out she disobeyed her, the little girl was placed over her mom's knee and had her dress pulled up and was spanked on her bare bottom. I think if the girl was not modest enough to wear panties which are for her protection against other things, her mom was right to spank her unprotected behind. I do believe that parents should not use spanking for every offense and the most important thing is to let the child know they will always be loved and once the spanking or other punishment is over it is time to move on.

Subject: Variation on a theme
Date:    Mon, 16 Jun 2003

Firstly, your site is fantastic. I learned things I never knew.

I have a 6 year old son who is the apple of my eye, but like any 6 year old, there are times when his little bottom needs a good spanking.

I normally spank him in my room, as I don't want him to associate his own bedroom with punishment. It's his little haven from the world and I feel that punishing him in it would violate that space.

I have a futon bed, which is very low to the ground. When A(...) is naughty enough to deserve a spanking, I use a variation on the over-the-lap position. I sit on the edge of my bed, on an angle, facing towards the left. I stretch my left leg straight and extend my right leg almost all the way out. My right thigh is slightly elevated. I keep my legs together, the reasons of which will become apparent.

I pull A(...)'s pants down to his knees. I find that they act as shackles at this position, making it difficult for him to kick or slide around. I position him so his pelvis is supported by my right thigh. His stomach is supported by my left thigh and his upper body is supported by the bed. A(...) is comfortable, but as his bottom is elevated and his arms are on the bed, he cannot clench and also cannot reach back and cover up.

I hold him firmly with my left arm and spank him with my right hand. I use the 'layer-cake' method, as I find it is less distressful for him if I give him intermittent breaks rather than giving it to him all at once. During the breaks I rest my right hand on his bottom and talk to him in a calm voice. Although I believe in spanking, I do not believe in yelling at children.

After I think he's had enough, I let him lay there and cry it out. I normally rub his bottom a little before giving him a couple of light pats to signal it's time to get up. I pull his pants back up and then let him sit on my right thigh while I hug him.

After he stops crying, I look at him and smile and ask if he's okay. He always says yes and usually follows that up with an apology, which I reply with a hug and a kiss on the forehead, telling him that it's okay.

A(...) usually likes to be alone for a few moments after the spanking is over so he can compose himself. I let him stay in my room until he's ready to re-join society, which I make it clear he is free to do whenever he likes.

The main point I wanted to make with this email is the position that I use. I guess it's a bit of a hybrid between the classic OTK, with a bit of sideways-reversal with a half pike and a triple twist, but I find it's highly effective.

Keep up the good work on your site. It's about time someone educated parents who choose to spank on a safe way of doing it. So often I hear cases of parents going overboard, and of course the anti-spanking bandwagon uses those cases as an arguement for outlawing it completely. They've tried to do that here in Australia for decades.

Now, we've come to a pretty good compromise. Corporal punishment was outlawed here in 1995, although it hadn't really been employed since about 1988 when schools started phasing it out of there own accord. The parental right to spank has always been maintained, but there are laws, and very good ones, in place that protect children while still preserving our rights as parents to discipline our kids.

Under New South Wales (the State I live in) law, you can only smack with an open hand on the area defined as the buttocks, which is pretty well represented in your site's diagram. Although bare bottom spanking is still a point of contention here, most agree that is is acceptable provided it is done in private. That is, the spanker and the spankee in the room, no-one else.

Once again, thankyou for the information on your site and keep up the good work.

Yours, D(...).


Subject: You have a good site.
Date:    Fri, 13 Jun 2003


My name is D(...), and I'm 15 years old. I heard about your web site from my cousin, whose a year younger than me. I think your site is really good, because it tells parents who may not know how to spank their kids without abusing them, especially if they were abused themselves and may not know any other way.

I wanted to tell you about how I get spanked, because I think you should put it on the Teenagers section as a good way for parents to spank their teenage kids without abusing them or being too embarrassing.

If I break any rules, like come home late or mess up at school, that evening I sit with my parents, and talk about what I did and how to help me not do it again. If its something like failing a test then I usually get grounded, which also gives me more time to study so I can work to bring my grades up, and if its breaking a rule on purpose like curfew then I usually get spanked. Also, a spanking is over quickly, and I can meet with friends and stuff and aren't stuck at home like when I'm grounded.

If I'm going to get spanked, then we go to the living room. My parents leave, and I have 10 minutes of "alone time" to get ready. The living room has doors, so all off them are closed and I have the room to myself, and I can do whatever I want in it for those ten minutes, but at the end of them I have to be ready for my spanking. I have to move the table away from the couch and put the chair next to it for Mom or Dad to sit on. When the alone time is done I have to be lying flat on the couch with my pants and underpants off and a pillow under my crotch. During the time, Mom and Dad decide who will spank me, and how many. Once the time is up one of them comes in, sits down on the chair I put next to me, and I get my spanking. It hurts, but not too much. Mostly, I cry because I regret what I did, and I know I disappointed my parents. Still, the spanks are slow and hard so towards the end I cry because it hurts too. Once the spanking is over then they leave, and I have another 10 minutes of time to myself. I usually spend it crying and rubbing a bit, and I also have to put the living room back the way it usually is. Then I go out, and they hug me and tell me they love me, and we talk again about why I got spanked.

I know not many kids my age get spanked, but I think that maybe they should, because there are kids who go out and shoplift and stuff just for fun and their parents don't do anything about it. Now I get spanked very rarely, and almost always if I'm spanked for something I never do it again. I think if kids act in ways that deserve a spanking then they're not too old to spank.

You have a very good site - keep up the good work!


Subject: Re: reader response
Date:    Fri, 13 Jun 2003

I think that there has been, traditionally within families, a fair amount of openness about spanking. In and of itself, the openness may have created a protection for children that is, today, so warped out of shape by professional child advocates as to be a parody. Fear has replace honesty. Suspicion has throttled discussion. Below are two examples of how the world has changed.

In a neighborhood whose families produced - among other things - two doctors, a nurse, a career Air Force pilot and an Air Force NCO, a two engineers, a Ph. D. in education and a school teacher, a college instructor, a bank robber, and a mental case, I could tell you where, when, and how most kids got spanked - and all were spanked except the mental case (whom I mentioned in a previous e-mail). The bank robber was a stepchild who was rejected by his step-father and beat into criminality. Today, I am not even sure which kids belong to which parents on a full-time basis!

In a day when a letter from a senior English teacher carried more weight with a college admissions committee than an SAT score, I can remember a high school psychology class in which spanking - as a fact of life - was discussed. I am not sure such a discussion would be possible today among the children of doctors, lawyers, and engineers seated in the shadow of a university and a medical school.

What your website has done is allowed the discussion to proceed by providing a level of anonymity that gives people a comfort level that they might not otherwise have in a polarized political environment. Barring some unfortunate historical event, it is possible that more personal dialogue may not come about until the current generation of aging radicals, in search of a cause that changes the world, passes from the scene. From what I can tell, they seem to be the ones keeping things stirred up.

Subject: (none)
Date:    Sun, 8 Jun 2003

I save animals from the same thing human children need saved from--abuse. There is no natural instinct in spanking. We do it because we need a vent for our anger. I know that supressed anger coming out can result in spanking, then abuse, then murder. Abuse and neglect make that rock and roll music that parents find replusive and innappropriate. Those musicians suffered it, and now they hate their parents, the people who thought like you do. Whatever the case, when I was pregnant a year ago, even I was convinced spanking was okay. I thought a little harder after I miscarried. I opened my eyes. I researched. What I found horrified me. I suppose no spankers are vegetarians, and I suppose many animals suffer from being hit by their owners.

Wait. Animals DO suffer. One dog comes to mind, particularly. Actually, a good million do. I'm not blind. I work at a dog rescue. I see dogs cower until someone shows them they are loved, that they won't get hit. I met a woman who took in a dog herself because he was unadoptable through her rescue. He was a chow chow, and he growled and hid if you barely raised your hand to talk. I know people who have kids that spank them, and you know what? Those kids just misbehave more, and do nothing but scream.

Animals are key guiders. Because they have their instincts, they show us what's appropriate and not. Never in my life have I seen an animal spank its offspring. I was a devil myself until my parents stopped spanking me. My mother regrets it. What you describe is perverse and unnecessary. I know because I watch two sides of everything. And what I observe is that kids do better if their parents participate lovingly in their lives. I don't know what you think spanking is going to solve. It's nothing but relief and ventalation of anger for the parents. I think that some people are crazy non-spankers because they think, "Oh! You can't hit a child. You hug them and give them candy." I've seen it. Don't praise your kids for everything. My dog was going on walks, and when I told her to stop at the street, she got a treat. But not everytime. Now I don't bring the treats on walks. My dog is my child. If I was told to pick between my children and my pets, I'd say, "What's the difference?" I was told my rabbit was spoiled because he got more than alphalfa and hay. He gets a balanced diet, and he's one of the only rabbits that has good teeth. My rabbit is not spoiled, he's only treated correctly. He doesn't like taking his antibiotic pills for the cut on his foot, but do I let him go? We try to calm him down, but if he gets nasty, we just ignore his attitude. He doesn't bite.

I have many animals, all very healthy (except for a lizard, he's thin because he wouldn't leave the hidebox to eat and crickets don't exactly jump in for him). We had to take the hidebox away because it was made for the female and he was snapping at her when she needed in to lay her eggs. It's complicated. But I don't spoil my animals, I only give them what they deserve. My dog loves carrots. She used to steal the rabbit's carrots, but we'd take it away, throw it away, and give them both a fresh one. I mean, I wasn't going to be mad at her!

You people are unreasonable. I don't have to think twice about my decision. It's the right one. I have also made the decision to wait a few years until my life has settled down before I give birth to ONE child. I might have two, but that's my limit. I intend to take them to see the animals at my refuge, and their whole lives are going to be with animals. I'm not going to give them candy or ice cream, they can't get all that junk except for occasional treats. They are going to private schools. They can listen to whatever music they please. I'll provide birth control and condoms if they feel the need to have sex. I know what it's like. I got pregnant, and I fear STDs. I was 16 when I was pregnant. I wanted to be a mother. Now, I'm 18 and I want to go threw my last year of high school, an alternative school with teachers that are kind and loving. None of them ignore me or yell or are rude. I have the most respect for calm, wonderful teachers. I would have dropped out with the verbal abuse I recieved at a public school. I'm sending my kids to smaller, private schools. I want to give them every moment of my time they ask. I am going to own a refuge, so I can let them come to work with me. It's good education for them to observe animals. I'm going to college for 4 years, two at a community college nearby, and the other two years threw the Exotic Animal Training and Management at Moorpark in Cali. I'm one of the hardest working people in my family. I was a devil back in 7th grade, when my mother popped me in the mouth for something. She backed off, and everything I've ever learned in my life was learned on my own. I wouldn't be able to stand on my own if they hadn't let me learn mistakes on my own. With a few respectable boundaries, I learned that I didn't want to smoke cigarettes. My family has generations of smokers. I have also learned that I can work on my own, because my mother has backed off and trusted me with my own life. I know I used to think I wanted fame and fortune. Now, I know I want to save animals, which means a lifetime of poverty. Owning a refuge isn't going to be easy. I'm also a writer. I can do what I want with my life. I'm in charge, but not because someone spanked me. It's because I was allowed to make decisions, and I learned from my own mistakes. No one told me anything, and if they did, I got defiant and tried to kill myself. I was depressed. I feel good about my life now. I happen to be one of the most kind people others have met. Just because you might be older doesn't mean you know better. An adult learns more from children and animals. Trust me. I know.

Subject: Hello
Date:    Sat, 7 Jun 2003

(Note: for background, read this sender's mail dated May 20, 2003)

Dear Spank with love

Yesterday me and Mrs. P(...) (my friends mom) talked to my parents she explained to them my talking to her and discovering spanking and how I thought it would help my behavior and school improve. She also explained how well it worked with her son. My parents where surprised and asked if I really thought this would help me improve my behavior and school marks and I said yes.

My parents said that it would be a nice surprise if it worked and agreed to it but said they didnít know how exactly to spank and punish, but Mrs. P said she would show them everything they needed to know. So then we began writing out a list of rules and chores and the consequences if broken which I will send to you one they are completed. My parents decided to basically punish me in the same way Mrs. P punishes her kids, because they respect her and just love her son so they thought this would be the best.

Once the contract and list etc are complete I will send them to you but here is the just of what was agreed upon. The hairbrush and cane will be used, I know you are against this but my parents said they trusted Mrs. P so thatís what would be used in addition to spanking corner time, extra chores and loss of privileges may be used as well. All spanking will be bare bottom in my room with both parents present.

While we were looking on your website we found 2 things which we decided to use and Mrs. P decided use with her kids from now on, the punishment journal and the layered cake method both of which my parents and Mrs. P liked. Anyways thatís about it hope to her your thoughts/opinions soon.

Subject: The End of the Story
Date:    Thu, 5 Jun 2003

(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request)

Dear Spank With Love,

A week or so ago, I wrote you about how I felt I needed a spanking. Well, just last night I was late getting home (as I have been three nights in a row) and I back talked. After the arguement was over my parents asked what they thought we be an appropraite punishment. I told them about your website, and showed them what it said about spanking in the Bible.

My dad then took me back to my bedroom and turned me over his knee for a spanking I would never forget. I cried like a little kid, but he wasn't done. After the hand spanking he took off his belt and gave me a spanking with his belt. I'll never be late again. It sure hurts to sit down at this computer!

After the spanking my parents and I hugged. It was beautiful. I am going to be spending the summer at my grandparents, and my grampa has been instructed that if I ever disobey to take me to the shed for a strapping. He said over the phone that he would give me one on the first night I'm thier, just so I understand what will happen if I back talk or something.

Is this fair? Please post my letter. Leave my name hidden, but reveal my E-mail. I want to try and convince parents who aren't sure weither to spank or not with my story. Thank you spank with love, our family relationship has greatly improved.

God Bless,

Subject: spanking
Date:    Tue, 3 Jun 2003


I'm from Finland, I'm 15 years old and I speak english not so good... I read your pages and I was shocked... this is crazy!! Lucky I live in Finland and physical discipline have forbidden!!

I have never been spanked and I'm resbonsible and respectable teen...!! someones people enjoy when they read thing of spanking... and watch imagines!! You order people to hitting their children... I just say my opinion, but I hope that you could publish this message too.. thanks!!

Subject: How can I convince my dad to spank me
Date:    Sun, 01 Jun 2003

(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request)

All exp teenage spankers your advice is more than welcome and much appreciated. I am Mike and I am 14 years old. My dad has spanked me only three times in my life. He just gives senseless punishments. I have problems with cursing, treating old people like ants on the ground, pushing people over on public transport, and acting horribly in front of people. I think a good spanking would straighten me out. Your site has been inspirational.

I just would like to know how I should approach my father. Should I call a spanking a "spanking" (kind of sisyish)? Should I give it a trial for two or three months? What would be the best way of doing a spanking for a 14 so that it would look right? How should the spanking be administered?

Thank you,


(in a follow-up mail)

Hi thanks for the website. But I don't think that it applies to me that strongly to be truthful. I'm not bullied. I'm a jock, but I am short. I doubt that it makes any difference. Let me give you a little more backround info. My mom is dead. I'm on the JV soccer, V swimming, and I'm on the spring track team. I could probably kick half of the kids in my schools ass even though im just goign into sophmore year next year. Can bench 220. Half a fufilled life with a beautiful girlfriend. My dad is there to talk to me a lot of the time, and my grandmother is always there. I just think that a 2 month -5 month trial could help out a lot. My bad points are that I curse, come home late, disrepsect elderly, and talk back to my dad. Can you give me the low down on an "Idiots Guide" from start to finish on how to talk to my dad about spanking.


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Last update: Jul-09-2003